Retribution
by Differing Fools
Summary: (revenge-fic) Daisetsu Saito of Avatar One Half and Kari Umikage of Insert Self Here team up to take down their opressive authors. This is more than revenge, this is retribution.
1. Part One

Retribution

Part One

To Trap a Bear  
OR  
Revenge Springs Eternally

* * *

It took me awhile to realize it at first. That I was free, I mean. When you've had your destiny controlled for so long, you tend to take it for granted. What I noticed first was that things weren't happening. Sure, life was going on, but nothing like what I was used to. No one was throwing scenarios at me. That was when I realized that my life since coming to Nerima had all been scripted and finally no one was writing anymore. 

I didn't know why it had stopped and I didn't care. I had a pretty good idea who was ultimately behind my situation. The trouble then was to get to where he was. Some careful negotiation took care of that problem.

Contrary to what you may have read about me, I'm no fool. I watched my query for awhile before I struck. That was how I found out what had happened to grant me this opportunity. His computer was broken and he'd had to borrow one from a friend. This new system was very unstable and it was taking him forever to get it working right. But time was running out for me. He'd solved most of the problems by now and now all he was waiting for was for a friend to return from vacation so he could continue where he had left off.

Over my dead body.

I'd warned him once.

He didn't listen.

Now he'd pay.

* * *

I've never been in control of my own life. 

That might sound like an exaggeration, but I assure you that it isn't. Not at all. Ever since my rebirth, my every action has been controlled. The events around me, manipulated by the same force.

I've known this, I could feel it in my bones my entire life. I always assumed it to be the one who brought me to the world of Ranma, the girl of the mirror.

But, of course, that's when realization sunk in. I was a self-insert. I truly was. And self-inserts all have one thing in common. They're fanfics, written by authors. Those authors are the ones inserted.

It hit me hard, the fact that my life, my horrible life, was something merely created on a whim. My feelings weren't my own, my actions controlled by another force. You don't know the feeling of that realization.

Let alone the realization that the agent of my torture was none other than myself!

It made me sick, I'll tell you. Realizing all of this. But I also realized he stopped being me, or rather I stopped being him, those fourteen years ago when I was reborn as Kari Umikage.

Those kind of thoughts reminded me of DeCartes, though, so I simply accepted that fact and stopped mulling over it.

It was a while before I could really act, though. I felt it, as if something tangible, one day whilst walking home with Akane and Ranma, Ryoga having gotten lost previously. I felt the hands of fate, or rather myself, leave me.

I guess it was some sort of hiatus. Perhaps a large break of scene in whatever writing I was a part of.

It was also my time to act.

It didn't take me long to find a shop specializing in magical items. Trust me, it was Nerima, the two days it took could almost be considered long. There, I was able to find the agent of my return, and also my revenge.

A magical item, resembling the Nanban Mirror in powers and a henshin stick in appearance. It would become my tool of salvation.

* * *

The opportunity I needed wasn't long in coming. His best friend had just returned from Afghanistan. They were all going out to celebrate. It didn't hurt matters that 'Girls Gone Wild' was filming in a local bar. He'd be drunk and horny. A situation I could easily take advantage of. Ironically, he'd provided me with the tools I needed to do so. 

Getting into the bar was easy. I'm a pretty girl after all, just the kind they wanted to see tonight. They didn't even ask for ID. One advantage to living in Canada's redneck country. Of course every guy there wanted to get me drunk, have me flash them and then take me home. Pigs. Of course, some of the other girls were pretty hot and it was hard not to stare...

It would have been easy to get distracted if I hadn't been so focused on my mission. You should have seen the look on his face when I approached him, introduced myself and started to flirt. I didn't have to work too hard after that. His buddies were all determined that I was going home with him. He didn't even have any choice.

For fun I challenged him to a drinking contest. What he didn't know was that I had already made arrangements with the waitress. She was bringing me Long Island Iced Teas that were only Ice Tea. She kept the difference between the drinks and he paid it all. Sucker.

The downside to all of this was that I had to nearly carry him to his room. As he was fumbling with his keys he smirked and said"Daichan eh? That's funny, I have a character in a story that sometimes uses that name."

"I know" I replied just before knocking him upside the head. He fell like a bag of bricks and felt just as heavy as I dragged him into his room.

I'm sure it was an evil grin that crossed my face as I spotted his computer. So considerate of him to get it working. The instrument of my revenge.

* * *

With the power of my new wand, I was transported to a balcony of an apartment building. I was surprised, as this wasn't the home I knew, but I peered into the glass and saw myself. 

Not the me I had come to accept over the last fourteen years. This was the old me, dressed in a vibrant blue Hawaiian shirt and typing furiously at his computer. His hair was longer than I remembered and looked a little older. I realized this was a college boy, not the high school Senior I had been.

It amazed me, how into his computer he was. I was within arm's reach of him, and he hadn't even noticed me.

Taking advantage of this, I used my ninja stealth to quietly open the door and slip inside. I was glad that he didn't lock his balcony door. Of course, I had seen how high up this room was, so he had no reason to lock it.

I took a position behind the boy, watching over his shoulder as he downloaded some files. Naruto 122 and Beck 19 were on his monitor, and my author simply waited for the files to finish downloading. Growing bored, he clicked on a small fox icon in the corner, opening a web browser.

Deciding there was no time like the present, I calmly cleared my throat.

The boy spun around incredibly fast, obviously shocked at hearing somebody else in his room.

I quickly pulled out a kodachi. Instead of killing him with it, as I had the sudden urge to do, I simply knocked him on the side of the head with the hilt. He fell out of his chair with a loud thud.

I was going to have my vengeance right then and there. I pulled out the wand, intent on sending my author to the heart of the Sahara, when something caught my eye.

On the computer screen was the name "EternallyLost" which was a handle I recalled using before. I noticed the page was a fanfiction site for a group called DifferingFools.

Curiosity overcame me, and I knew this other me wouldn't be waking for several hours at least.

I clicked the link for their only story"Crossover."

It didn't take me long to realize it was about self-inserts like myself. I was shocked to discover myself in the story, as well as several others.

I also realized that my author really was a bastard. He must have enjoyed torturing me.

I was going to get back to my vengeance when I heard a beep from the computer. In the corner I saw a small window, stating "Daisetsu has logged on." It was an MSN Messenger alert, one I recognized.

Daisetsu? My curiosity was piqued, as that was the same name as a self-insert from Crossover. I clicked the window, opening a messenger dialogue. I quickly sent a message.

* * *

I'm a nosy person, it's a character flaw. So it was only natural for me to start nosing through Bear's computer files. Couldn't find much on his plans for the future, but I could read what was posted already on Plus snooping around his hotmail account provided me with some additional information. 

What was truly educational was an MSN messenger conversation I had with one of his contacts after logging on with his logon, but using my name. It went something like this:

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
'ello there.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Umm. Hello?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Your name is the same as the guy from Crossover.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
You the author?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Maybe. Who's this?

Daisetsu began to sweat. Maybe logging onto Bear's account wasn't the best of ideas. It looked like a friend was trying to get in contact with him. Best to play it cool, though, until she could find out more.

Kari, meanwhile, was simply curious. She didn't care what the heck this guy thought, as she would be leaving soon anyway.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
Kari Umikage.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Like the name says. See?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
I see.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Well, I'm Daisetsu. Like the name says.

The gender-confused boy began thinking. It looked like this person, Kari if she was to be believed, didn't know who she, or Bear, was. If that was the case, how did she add him to her contact list? Security settings prevented that. Her curiosity was piqued.

The ninja girl nodded to herself. Curiouser and curiouser, to steal a line from Alice. If he was to be believed, he did actually share the self-insert's name.

_Daisetsu says:_  
Wait a minute, if you don't know me, how come you're on my contact list?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Hacker!  
Kari blinked. That was new.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Ha, hardly.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
This is my computer. Kind of.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
In a way.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
It's hard to explain.

Kari rubbed her head. It sounded weird when she typed it, but it's not like she could untype the words. Oh, well, that was the gist of it anyhow.

Daisetsu gave pause. What was up with this person?

_Daisetsu says:_  
I see.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I just messaged you because I noticed you shared a name with a fanfiction character, a self-insert named, obviously, Daisetsu.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
So you're using the MSN account of someone else who uses your computer and you recognized my name from a fanfic? Crossover to be exact?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Got it in one!

The only natural girl smiled, glad to see that this guy had arrived at a semi-believable conclusion, mostly on his own. She realized she was doing a horrible job at covering anything up, but couldn't bring herself to care.

Bear's avatar simply smiled, believing herself to have figured this person out.

_Daisetsu says:_  
Would you believe its just an amazing coincidence?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Not particularly.

The kendoist smiled. Time to cover her tracks.

_Daisetsu says:_  
But its a perfectly valid story. I'm a friend of the writer and he borrowed my name. I'm using his computer and MSN msg automatically logged on upon the computer booting.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
He's sleeping right now, actually.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I guess that makes sense, in a way, I'll concede that.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Snoring loudly in fact.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
So we're both innocent.

Sleeping loudly? Now that was the truth! Daisetsu could hardly concentrate on typing with all the noise her writer was causing. Briefly the girl wondered if her author was going to perform sleep-fu, but noted that he was wrapped tightly in blankets. That should stop that possibility. She turned her attention back to the computer monitor in front of her.

_Daisetsu says:_  
Do you have a link for this Crossover? I've never read it?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
You've never read it?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Nope.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Well, I'll send you a link.

Daisetsu was no fool, and realized that anything with her in it could prove to be valuable intelligence. It made her almost wish that her author's computer hadn't been fried. Sure, it may have given her the freedom to pursue her current goals, but it also destroyed a potentially valuable resource for information.

_Daisetsu says:_  
I just started reading Avatar 1/2.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
It's this guy's home page, that's how I found it.

True to her word, she quickly sent Daisetsu the link.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
There you go.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Thanks.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
It's the only story there.

Kari sat back, deciding to let this guy read through some of the story. She looked over to her author to make sure he was still out. He was, like a light. She smiled, leaning back in the computer chair. It wasn't as nice as Akane's, which she often used, but it sufficed.

Daisetsu began to browse through the story. Some sort of large-scale self-insert, huh? Did these authors have no shame? The first and second chapters were completed before she received another message, breaking her from her reading.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
Apparently your friend and mine were collaborators.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
So it would seem.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Umm...  
_Daisetsu says:_  
You're in this too. Or at least your name is.

Daisetsu began to wonder what was going on. This person certainly didn't act like a collaborator of Bear's, yet the name was the same as another self-insert.

The female avatar could practically see the wheels turning in this guy's head. She'd try to pass it off as a coincidence, she decided, but if he really pushed for it she'd tell him the truth. Like she decided earlier, it's not like it would hurt anything, considering she'd be leaving this world entirely soon.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
Well, of course. It wouldn't be nearly as good without me, after all.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
That's kinda weird, don't you think? Two writers using friends names for SI's and then working together on a merged fic?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Well, I never gave him permission to use me.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
You must be torqued.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Trust me, I gave him what's coming.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Stupid pig.

The kendoist grinned to herself. You know, with the way this girl was talking you'd actually think she was the self-insert.

_Daisetsu says:_  
Funny you should mention that.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Could you hold on a sec? I need to have a quick, and very hot shower.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Um, sure...  
_Daisetsu says:_  
I never feel right without a hot shower.

Daisetsu smiled. Perhaps a hint or two? To confirm her suspicions, to see if they were grounded in truth. And besides, she really did need that shower. The bra, while visually effective, was damned uncomfortable.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
You sound like a friend of mine.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Oh?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Padfoot never feels right without a hot shower!

The ninja girl laughed to herself, but quieted down when she heard people stirring outside her door. Suitemates? At any rate, the sound faded and she continued to smile. She loved making inside jokes.

_Daisetsu says:_  
I can feel for him, really.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
I'll be right back.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Kay-o.

The boy-turned-girl pushed back her chair, then ran to go take that quick shower. It was a quick affair, and Daisetsu was quickly back to the computer, this time as a male.

_Daisetsu says:_  
Back.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Hiyo.

Daisetsu decided that it was time to be a little more blunt. He quickly typed out his next message.

_Daisetsu says:_  
So... do you have anything in common with the Kari in the story? Like being a 14 year old ninja with long blue hair and looks kinda like a boy?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Can you see my MSN avatar?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I took that picture with my friend's webcam.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
My hair's short now, as you can see, but yeah.

That gave the boy pause. He quickly clicked the button to allow him to see avatar images. He noted what appeared to be a hastily-taken picture of a young girl with short blue hair. She could almost be mistaken for a young boy. But, still he couldn't be 100 percent sure. Meh, too bad he didn't have a webcam. Or, rather, Bear didn't.

_Daisetsu says:_  
That must have been hard to dye. No webcam here I'm afraid.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I don't dye my hair!_  
Daisetsu says:_  
I'm confused. Your friend wrote an SI, which is supposed to be about yourself, but its really about you? And how can you really have blue hair? That only happens in like anime.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Heh, yeah, that does sound kinda out there, doesn't it?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Yeah...  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
But trust me, the real explanation is more out there!

Daisetsu could feel it, the fact that she was hiding something.

Kari paused. He was really hitting close to the mark. If he kept things up, she'd reveal what he wanted to know. She had her suspicions about this guy, too.

_Daisetsu says:_  
Well, lets hear it. I'm sure I've seen stranger things.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Well, you won't believe me.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
You'd be surprised what I'd believe these days.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
And unless you've lived your life in an anime, it doesn't compare to my story, believe me.

"Heh, I don't kid" Kari said to herself.

_Daisetsu says:_  
That so?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Indubitably.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
I think I'd be willing to compare notes...  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Heh.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Well, what if I told you that's exactly what I did?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Live in an anime, I mean?

The kendoist actually laughed out loud. He loved it when he was right! He briefly checked to make sure his author was still out, but it looked like he would be out for quite a while longer.

_Daisetsu says:_  
I'd patiently wait for the show stopper you promised me.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Don't act like you believe it, I know how off-the-wall it is.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Yeah?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Would you believe I was a girl before my hot shower, but now I'm a guy?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Of course, I could be lying.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Would you believe one of my best friends has the same problem?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Hehe, Jusenkyo curses aren't much fun.

Daisetsu gave a humorless chuckle. Yeah, she could say that again.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
I was lucky enough to avoid any.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
No, they're not...  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Wait a sec...  
_Daisetsu says:_  
You mean you really are the SI?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Does this face look like a liar?

The blue-haired girl smiled to herself, giggling. She was having a blast talking with this guy. Too bad he'd probably call her a liar at this point.

_Daisetsu says:_  
That's just... crazy...  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I told you it was!  
_Daisetsu says:_  
And if I weren't really the Daisetsu from Avatar 1/2, I'd say you were crazy.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Of course we could both be lying...  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Hey, I have a picture to back my case, buddy!  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Lets see it.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
My avatar!  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
It's set as my avatar!  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Oh, I thought you meant something else.

The boy gave a rye chuckle. Looked like he wasn't on the ball in that exchange.

_Daisetsu says:_  
I see...  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Yep.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Well, I have no evidence to back up my story.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Yep. So if one of us was lying, it'd be you.

Daisetsu briefly wondered if she'd even believe him. After all, he didn't have anything to support his story.

Kari, however, was inclined to believe the boy. After all, she had begun to suspect as much.

_Daisetsu says:_  
So you can either believe me or think I'm crazy. But I have to ask you, what brings you to the real world?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I'm taking control over my life.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I'm not the kind of person to let somebody else control my fate.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Especially with the level he's able to do it to me!

Kari began to seethe, thinking over all the crap that happened to her because of her author. Being turned into a girl, the rigorous training, the death of her mother, Itachi... the list went on.

_Daisetsu says:_  
Funny you should say that.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Why?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Do you share my sentiments?

Daisetsu nodded to himself. Time to see what exactly was going on. Which meant he'd put all of his chips on the table as well.

_Daisetsu says:_  
I warned this guy once, but he didn't listen to me. Just made my life worse. I had to fight a Mary Sue! I'll never forgive him for that. So I recruited some help and I'm going to dump the bastard off at Jusenkyo. Lets see if he thinks being cursed is that much fun then!  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Some help, huh?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Yeah. A dragon with reason to hold a grudge.

Ryo had been helpful. Daisetsu supposed the dragon must've been irritated at having his name revealed to the world at large. A little bitter, at any rate.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
I must say I've never warned my author. Never had the chance before now. But I'll be damned if I let him control my life any more!  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Don't waste time with warnings. They never listen.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I got a magic item. It's what I used to bring myself here. I was thinking of sending my author away somewhere, possibly a desert...  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
But I like your idea.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Are you going to be following him through? To make sure he suffers adequately?

Kari gave pause. Should she? She hadn't thought about it much. Shrugging, she decided to write as much.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
I dunno, I haven't given it that much thought.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
I totally plan to.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Heh. Maybe I will, then.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
It'd be better than staying here. I mean, what can I do here anyway?

Perhaps, Daisetsu thought, he'd be able to work together with this girl. If they sent their authors to the same place, there'd be a risk of the authors working together, but he decided the advantages of working with this self-insert outweighed those risks.

_Daisetsu says:_  
If we send them to the same world, we might be able to meet.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Yeah!  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Pool our resources.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Make their lives hell.

The ninja really liked that idea. Her grin gave away that much.

_Daisetsu says:_  
Something just occurred to me.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
What's that?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Is your author a guy?  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Yeah.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
And you're his Avatar, as a teenage girl?

Daisetsu shook his head. Her writer was really messed up! What kind of sadistic freak would put somebody through that? The poor girl must be really messed up.

Kari began to wonder if that'd make this guy think of her badly. This was the first person to come to that realization. The most anybody else figured out was that she liked girls; having people know her true gender was new to her.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
I swear, I'm not a pervert. He just seems to enjoy torturing me.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I've tried correcting my problem, but... you know, the Jusenkyo spring not working was his fault, too.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
That bastard.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
I see. Well, I'll be glad to help you get him back then.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
And I'll be willing to help you with your author!

She sure was motivated. Daisetsu smiled.

And she was. Kari was getting, well, pumped.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
He sent you to Jusenkyo, right?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Well... sort of. I mean I didn't get cursed there exactly.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Splashed with cursed water then?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
I got cursed later with the water I had to cure Shampoo with.

Who would've thought it? Playing with water was worse than playing with fire.

_Kari Umikage says:_  
So I take it you turn female?  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Unfortunately.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
You can see where I'm coming from then.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Well, kind of.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
Yes.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Yeah, I'll definitely help you out, man.

For a moment, both inserts shared the same thought. These guys were going to suffer!

_Daisetsu says:_  
Sweet. I'll be dumping mine off right after the end of the Manga. I'll meet you at Ucchans. I have no connections in this world and you probably don't either.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
You're right there.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
I'm thinking of dumping mine off in the Amazons village, so any time's as good as another.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Ucchan's, then!

Daisetsu briefly wondered if the girl would be as cute in person. Judging by the avatar picture on MSN, she really wasn't too unattractive. Well, not that it mattered, since she was both younger and a guy. He shrugged. It would be interesting at any rate.

_Daisetsu says:_  
Great, since I know what you look like, I'll find you.  
_Daisetsu says:_  
See you there.  
_Kari Umikage says:_  
Ta ta, then.

Kari exited the program, finally able to turn her attention back to her captive. He was beginning to stir, so she'd have to act somewhat quickly. She drew the wand from her sleeve.

Daisetsu, however, was thinking a bit further ahead. He logged back onto to read up on the fanfics done by SleepingBear, EternallyLost, and to also finish Crossover. He had a lot of research to do. Maybe rereading some of the manga, too.

* * *

It was a mild spring day in the village of Joketsuzoku. People milled about as they went about their day to day tasks. Warriors practiced their forms, sparred, or performed the tasks required of them. Craftsmen practiced their works in their shops. Merchants were scarce, as only those from neighboring villages tended to display their wares. Within such a small village, buyers would seek out the merchants, as everybody knew everybody else by name and knew who they could count on for what they needed. 

"I'll see you later," one of the Amazons said as she departed from the rest of her group. Link was a part of a patrol group, scouting the areas close to the village for signs of dangerous animals or intruders. They also marked locations of good hunting spots or where wild herbs were growing, for general use of the villagers.

Link appeared to be foreign, with her pale skin and platinum blond hair. In truth, her father had been European, which accounted for a lot. She mixed her father's skill in fencing with Amazon wu shu to give her a unique style and was also top-notch when it came to tracking. If she had been born to a higher station, she might even be considered for a position on the Amazon council when she came of age.

It was this girl that was being watched from atop a nearby hut. Crouched on the top of the building was a young ninja girl, a limp body lying to her side, watching this Amazon intently.

"She walks like a real warrior," Kari intoned, keeping her eyes on the girl. The ninja was doing her utmost to keep from being spotted as she stalked the older girl. It worked, too, as she even made her way past several elders without their knowledge. "That's a wicked rapier she has by her side, it looks dangerous." She smiled, picking up the body and leaping to another building to keep close to the girl. "Perfect."

Link stopped as another Amazon ran past, cutting the blonde off as she shouted to some other villager. Link shouted at the older woman to what basically translated to "Watch where you're going, you filthy weakling!" The older Amazon stopped, turned, and cowered away from the girl.

"And a lot of spunk," the ninja also noted, paying attention to how easily the girl cowed the older and more experienced warrior. "I think I've found the perfect victim."

With a smile, the girl's form shifted until she stood six feet tall. Her hair grew, becoming brown and in a ponytail. Her ninja outfit, a brilliant shade of green, switched to a blue Hawaiian shirt and jeans. And, most importantly, she looked male.

She became the spitting image of her former self, now unconscious on the rooftop.

* * *

In a beautiful, magical valley there lay dozens, possibly hundreds of small springs. Each spring was unique. Each spring was cursed. For these were the cursed training grounds of Jusenkyo. 

Waiting patiently at a previously selected spring was what appeared to be an elderly Japanese man in monk's robes. He was trespassing on someone else's territory, but it was worth the risk for what he wanted to accomplish. Revenge was going to be sweet.

In due time, he received the signal from his pawn in this endeavor. A simple talisman that could be activated by even an untrained novice. Little more than a transdimensional beeper actually. Mystic senses reached out and found his henchmen across the void of space and time. Once found a two way portal was opened.

Daisetsu stepped through it, carrying a man in club clothes over his shoulder. The teenager dumped the man unceremoniously on the ground. "Here's the bastard, Ryo. What have you got planned for him?"

The transformed dragon smiled. "Simple, really. He calls himself Sleepingbear. I say we grant his apparent desire." With that, Ryo easily hefted the man up with one hand, despite the apparent frailty of his body. With a flick of a wrist, the unconscious man was tossed into the nearest spring.

Cold water instantly shocked the fanfiction writer awake. Splashing desperately he half swam and half scrambled to the shore. Once there he shook himself dry, fur flinging water droplets in all directions. Looking up he saw a young Japanese man and a very old Japanese man. The old man had a slight grin while the younger one was clutching his sides because he was laughing so hard. The writer went to say something, but it came out as a high pitched growl.

The suddenly very concerned the writer trotted over to the pools edge on all fours. Peering at his reflection he saw an adorable little bear cub, not even a year old. He wheeled around and growled at the two men who were the cause of his transformation.

The growled ceased with a whelp of surprise when water splashed across the bear cubs face. The older man was holding a ladle and smirking with a superior attitude. "I trust you've heard of the locking ladle? The one that locks you into your cursed form? Now you are well and truly a bear, until the day you die."

This revelation hit the newly made bear cub like a ton of bricks falling from the sky. It began to cry, whimper, and whine pitifully.

Satisfied that his work here was done, Ryo turned to Daisetsu. "Well, my boy, it's time to return you home as I promised."

Daisetsu cleared his throat and motioned that he wanted to walk out of Bear's hearing range with a nod of his head. Curious, the dragon followed to hear what Daisetsu had to say. "Look Ryo, I've been thinking that I'd like to hang around here for a bit. Make sure that miserable bastard gets what's coming to him."

"I suppose it could be arranged." Ryo was hesitant, trying to see some advantage to altering the deal at this point. He'd had his revenge in sufficient quality and quantity. Being a dragon, he was intensely curious as to what the young man had in mind, however.

"I just want to go home to pick up a few things, and then get you to drop me off in this worlds Nerima district. I was planning on meeting... a friend there." Daisetsu seemed quite earnest in his request. He glanced over at the pitiful bear cub several times, his features hardened against the creature.

"I'm not a ferry service Daisetsu. Dimensional travel can be quite taxing." Ryo wasn't going to outright deny the request yet. He wanted to see if the boy would make it interesting for him.

"I know that Ryo." Daisetsu sighed. "Look, so far all I've done is deliver him here. I have plans for him. Interesting plans. I want his heart to break the way mine has. I want him to _suffer_."

Ryo was slightly taken back by the venom in the boy's voice. Maybe this could be interesting. The real beauty of it was that whatever Daisetsu did to Bear, he was really doing to himself. There were also possibilities opening themselves up to the ancient dragon as well. "What about your home and life? Can you really leave them behind?"

Daisetsu held up the talisman. "I can get your attention with this. When I'm done here, I can get you to take me home again."

The dragon nodded and smiled a kind looking smile. "Very well Daisetsu, I will do as you request." A portal opened up and the two men walked through. Ryo had to hold in a chuckle. Sure the talisman could get his attention... if he recharged it. Which he wasn't about to do.

* * *

Link stopped her walk home when she spotted somebody out of place. She was in a deserted street leading out of town, and nobody traveled on the road except for mornings or nights, which it was neither. Seeing anybody was odd. Seeing a foreigner? Sign of alarm. 

"Who are you?" the Amazon shouted to the boy, who appeared close to her age, in her native Mandarin.

The boy looked over his shoulder at the Amazon, then took off running.

"Wait!" Link cried, pulling her rapier free of her scabbard and giving chase to the surprisingly fast and agile boy. He turned a corner, so the girl quickly followed. She was unprepared for him waiting directly around the corner, nor was she prepared for the kick to her stomach. She reflexively let go of her sword to clutch her stomach, a decade of training gone in the moment of surprise.

Not to let his advantage be given up, the boy brought both of his hands back and clubbed the back of the girl's head, sending her to the ground. One swift kick to the side of her head and her world faded to blackness.

Smirking, the boy let his disguise fade, revealing a head of short blue hair and a much slighter figure. "That'll do," she said. "Not unheard of for a non-combatant to pull those kind of moves." She vanished from sight, appearing on a rooftop nearby. Using her stealth once more, Kari made her way back to where she had left her author.

* * *

The boy known online as EternallyLost slowly came to. He looked around and noticed that he was in an alleyway. The last thing he remembered was... downloading Naruto and Beck episodes? 

No, that was wrong. He shook his head to clear it.

Something had happened afterwards. A sound... a girl with blue hair? That almost reminded him of his fanfic.

The boy looked at his surroundings. Wooden buildings? How odd. "I wonder where I am," he muttered in English, the only language he really knew. He pulled himself to his feet and wandered out of the dingy alley.

He found himself in an equally dingy street.

"Just great," he sighed. "Where in the nine hells am I?" Briefly he entertained the idea that this was all a dream. A quick look at his surroundings dashed that idea into the rocks; this was too vivid to be one.

Shrugging, he decided one direction was as good as another. The Hawaiian-clad boy didn't make his way anywhere useful. He did, however, run into a pretty face.

That face was also quite irate.

"Wo da airen," the blond girl said, glaring at the boy as she did so.

"Wo... da? What the heck does that mean?" The boy looked around. "Just where the heck am I?"

The girl blinked, her green eyes showing confusion. "You... speak English?"

"I'm American," the boy replied"what else would I speak?" He reached down and began to fiddle with his watch; a habit that showed he was either bored or nervous. He wasn't bored. "Just where am I, and what did you say just now?"

"You're in the village of Joketsuzoku... and I simply called you my husband."

"Joket... suzoku." The boy rolled that over in his head. "Wait, the Amazon village?" Then the second part of her statement caught up with him. "Wait, husband!"

From the shadows came a voice, though only the boy heard it and he wasn't quite sure if it was imagined. "Suffer as I have suffered, and see how 'nifty' it is."

Before the boy could even turn to see who had said that, his new wife was upon him, gripping him arm in a grip fit to crush walnuts. "Come now, husband. I'm taking this directly to the elders. I won't stand to be married for you longer than necessary!"

"Ouch! That hurts!" the boy cried as she dragged him down the street.

Amazons paused as the two paraded into the center of the village, not stopping for anybody. Link was well known for being a skilled, if somewhat vain, Amazon, and she was dragging a foreign boy through the streets. It didn't help that he was shouting as she did so.

They soon found themselves stationed in front of a group of elderly women, who the girl bowed before. The boy, unsure of what was happening, simply gawked. It was all happening way too fast for him.

"Foolish boy," one of the women remarked in Mandarin. "Why do you bring him before us?"

One of the other two women nodded. "Explain."

"I was blindsided by this foreigner," Link explained, wincing in memory as she did so. "By law, he is my husband. He gained that by fluke alone! I refuse to take this foreign boy as my spouse!"

"Husband?" the last elder said, looking over the boy. "He is in shape, but only as much so as any male who eats well and does simple exercises. How can a non-fighter like him defeat you in combat?"

"As I said," the girl replied through gritted teeth, obviously not enjoying talking to even elders with such tact, "it was simply a fluke, a lucky series of hits that caught me unawares."

"And you do not wish to take him as a husband?" the first elder said.

"No," the girl replied vehemently.

"What's going on here?" the boy asked in English, though he was silenced when the first elder whacked his shin with a cane. He held his shin as he leveled a glare at the old woman, though he didn't pipe up again.

"If you were indeed caught unawares," the third elder began, "then perhaps this marriage can be considered a punishment." Before Link could reply, she continued. "You allowed a boy with no skills to defeat you! If he had been an enemy in ambush, you would have died a dozen deaths for such foolishness!" She huffed. "I will not allow you to unwed this boy."

"Take him to your home," the second added. "He is your husband."

"I am in agreement," said the first. "We have spoken, and so let is pass."

As if the business was concluded, the three turned and simply began to walk, resuming whatever business had been interrupted.

"Wait" Link cried, standing and moving a hand out toward the women.

"Give it up," an Amazon girl from behind Link stated. Both Link and the boy turned to her, though the boy still didn't understand what was going on. "So, this is your husband, hmm?" The girl, rather homely with a large gap between her two front teeth, grinned. "I'm glad. I thought you'd have first pick on all the cute boys, but instead you wound up with some foreign weakling."

"Oh, shove it," Link replied curtly.

"Can somebody please tell me what happened?" the boy asked.

* * *

The boy was only sticking around so he could piece together what happened. And so he had followed his new wife to her home. Luckily, for him, she lived alone. He didn't have to meet the parents, not yet. 

But instead of sitting and discussing things, as rational people did, she ordered him to go cook them dinner.

What the heck?

"Look," he said as she was walking into the house, "don't you think we can talk about what just happened? I don't even know what the hell is going on here."

The girl wheeled around, fury etched in every feature. "You blindsided me, you foreign bastard! Don't play innocent on me, for this is all your fault! But you've earned yourself an Amazon wife, so start acting like a proper Amazon husband."

The boy didn't know what was going on any more than before, but recoiled from the sheer anger directed at him. Any arguments he had were lost in the face of an angry and irate girl.

She sighed, the moment of anger passed. "Just... get out of my sight. You can use the spare bedroom for now. I'll bring you some fruit or something similar later, just get out of my sight for now."

The boy quickly complied.

* * *

The next morning he found himself staring at the ceiling. What exactly was he going to do? Should he even head out of the room? He really didn't feel like facing anybody or anything. 

On the other hand, he was getting pretty hungry.

Before need for food could war with need for survival, the door of his new room burst open, allowing in an angry Amazon.

"Hey!" he cried, sitting up. "Jeez, don't you people knock? What if I was getting dressed?" Of course, since he had no clothes but the ones on his back, that was unlikely. Still, that was besides the point!

"We're married,." the girl said, simply. Without pause, she continued with another topic. "My parents wish to meet you. Come along, I wish for it to be quick."

"You speak formally," the boy observed, standing up and brushing off his shirt, as if it'd actually help it get unwrinkled. "Do you not have enough practice with English?"

"This is how my father taught me," she replied stiffly. She walked out of the room, silently giving the signal to follow.

As the two made their way out of the house, the boy began to converse. "You know, we're married and I don't even know your name. Care to fill me in?"

The girl looked at him from the corner of her eyes. "Link."

The boy ran that over in his head, imagining her wearing green and with pointed ears. He shook his head to clear it of those thoughts.

At any rate, he mulled over what name to provide to her. His real name felt off here, and he didn't want to give her anything she could use to track him with when he left; he had come to the conclusion that he would flee if no other alternative was made available. He figured he wouldn't be able to make it far, but he wasn't about to make it easier.

"My name's Yuber," the boy said, supplying the name of a video game character he tried to emulate on the internet. It certainly fit better than EternallyLost did.

Link remained silent, which suited Yuber fine, though he did find it an awkward silence. She always kept her gaze straight forward, which unnerved Yuber as he felt the eyes of countless other Amazons on his back. He was sure that they were the center of town gossip at that point.

All too soon they arrived at their destination, a middle-sized house near the center of the village. It had a wall, resembling a feudal Japanese home, and a large area seemed to be cleared in the back for training.

"My mother is a healer, and very well respected" Link advised as they stopped in front of the home. "Keep your manners with you at all times. Both of my parents speak English, so that will be of little problem."

"Gotcha," the boy replied. He felt like he was heading onto stage and being fed his lines.

The two entered and found themselves in a living room of some sort. Two middle-aged people, obviously Link's parents, were there waiting.

Yuber looked over the two. The mother was Chinese, obviously Amazon, with brown hair tied into a bun on the top of her head. The father was Caucasian, with long blond hair rivaling the length of Yuber's own.

He also noticed that he, like his daughter, had a dastardly looking rapier at his side. That alone made him pray for the success of this meeting.

"Hello," the father greeted in English. He extended a hand, which Yuber shook. The man had a death grip, and seemed to be taken aback by Yuber's weak handshake. A firm handshake was said to be the best introduction, but the boy just failed in that regard.

"It's good to meet you," the mother said in a friendly tone. "We've heard... a lot about you."

"Yeah," Yuber thought to himself, "and I'll bet my life that none of it was good." On the exterior, he simply grinned. "I'm glad to hear that, ma'am."

The father began to walk toward the kitchen. "We can talk over breakfast. My wife has prepared a delicious one, so please take a seat at the table. I'll bring it out."

As Link took a seat, Yuber noted that four places were set at the table. It was a small table, which was the perfect size for four, so the furthest away from his wife was still too close for Yuber. Of course, being the furthest away, it's what the boy took.

His new mother-in-law took the seat next to him. With a gentle nudge and a harsh look, the boy got the message. Sit next to your wife.

Moving his seat, Yuber winced as his wife glared daggers at him. He knew in-laws would be a hassle, but never in his life did he imagine a meeting to be this bad. Of course, he never expected to wake up married to a woman in a man-hating tribe, either.

An awkward silence reigned until the father brought out the breakfast. To be quite honest, Yuber didn't recognize a damned thing he brought out. But it sure smelled good.

The boy's stomach rumbled. His new wife had left a few fruit for him the previous night, but they were small and hardly filling. And that had been quite a while ago.

Yuber gave silent thanks that he knew how to use chopsticks. With a skill of a natural chopsticks user, he snatched something off of his plate as soon as his host had been seated.

The boy gulped. That had been close.

A long rapier had cut his chopsticks in half right in front of his mouth. From across the table, Link's father leveled a wicked gaze at Yuber. "In this home, we don't eat before Grace."

Yuber finally noted the large cross hanging from the man's necklace. Well, dang, this was awkward. "Er, I'm really sorry, sir. I didn't know."

Link shook her head. "It's rude to begin eating before your host at any rate, husband."

The ponytailed boy gave silent thanks to the woman for trying to help him out. It was sarcastic, of course, even in his head.

He was glad to begin eating, once the proper words had been said. After his first bite, however, he wasn't so glad. The food would be considered good, he was sure, by anybody who could stomach this sort of food. It tasted like a local dish that needed time to grow accustom to.

He just thought it tasted nasty.

The boy noticed Link's mother giving him an odd look. He faked a smile and took another bite. Oh, yeah, this was Hell.

* * *

Link stood, and her new husband quickly followed her example. "It has been a wonderful morning, parents, and thank you for preparing such a wonderful meal." 

"Er, yeah," Yuber added lamely, "thanks."

The blonde took no notice of her husband. "We'll be off now."

Her father cleared his throat. "If you don't mind, I'd like to have a few words with my new son-in-law first." He looked between his daughter and her husband.

"Of course, father," the girl replied. She rudely shoved Yuber forward, making him take a few stumbled steps before he regained his balance. "Stay with my father, husband."

"And I'll walk you outside, dear," the girl's mother added. The two females quickly took their leave so that only Yuber and his father-in-law remained inside.

The Hawaiian-clad boy could feel the awkwardness. "Er, so what is it, um, dad?" He was unsure of what to address Link's father as, but he decided "dad" should be safe.

"Mr. Cross. You'll address me as Mr. Cross."

Apparently it wasn't, though.

The man's eyes narrowed as he looked over the younger boy. "You'll treat my daughter right, you got that young man? I won't stand for any man to treat her wrong."

"She can take care of herself," Yuber muttered under his breath.

Mr. Cross felt he had something else to add. "Also..." Too quick for Yuber to follow, the man pulled his rapier free from its scabbard, knocking the boy in the solar plexus with the end of the hilt. "That's for ambushing my daughter in the first place."

Yuber fell to the ground coughing as the man put the sword back into its scabbard.

"Now get going, I'm sure my daughter is waiting for you."

Yuber pulled himself to his feet as quickly as possible and then practically rushed out of the house. He saw his new wife with her mother by the gate. When they saw him approach, the mother began to walk back toward the house.

"Let's get going," Link said, walking off in the direction of her home. She walked fast, and Yuber was pressed to keep up after getting winded by her father. "When we get back," the girl said, "we'll see about getting you some new clothes, then we'll make our way to Jusenkyo."

To say the boy was taken aback would be an understatement. "Jusenkyo? Why in the nine hells would we want to go there?"

"The Jusenkyo Guide has many maps of China," the girl replied. "If we wish to make our way to Japan, it'd be best to borrow a map off of him."

Yuber knew his was missing something, or many somethings. "And why are we heading to Japan?" In truth, it'd be a lot easier to escape there, but he still wondered why.

The blonde smiled. "My mother reminded me that our matriarch, Cologne, is residing there right now. She has power to override any of the other elders and can get our marriage annulled."

So Yuber really did have a chance to formally get rid of their marriage. Things were looking up. Of course, he also realized they'd have to head to Nerima to accomplish this.

Still... things could only get better!

* * *

It was less than a day's walk to Jusenkyo. Yuber spent the entirety of the trip complaining. His natural laziness was in vehement protest to that much strenuous activity. 

Link was very irate as she left the Guide's hut, slipping the map into her purple Chinese outfit. As she leveled another glare at her husband, she noticed something behind the boy. "Bear cub?"

Yuber turned his head, catching sight of a small bear near the forest bordering Jusenkyo. "A bear? Weird, I wonder what it's doing here." He held out a hand, beckoning the cub to come closer, which it did slowly.

"It's probably looking for water," Link replied. "It's young, without a mother, and doesn't know enough to avoid this area." She looked the creature over, not noticing the glimpse of intelligence in its eyes. "Poor thing. It would be best if I killed it, to put it out of its misery. It won't survive without a mother." As an afterthought, she added, "And besides, it might make a nice coat."

The bear, after hearing that, began to back away.

"Oi," the brown-haired boy muttered, "don't kill the poor thing. I'm sure it can make it, and you shouldn't just go around killing things that make good coats."

Her husband's protests made the decision for Link. Grinning, she spoke. "What's that, husband? You'd like to have such a coat?" She drew her rapier. "Don't worry about a thing, I'll get that bear for you. Just wait here."

The bear was curious as to why a foreigner was at Jusenkyo, but he wasn't curious enough to risk death. He bolted.

"Stupid bear!" the Amazon cried, taking chase. "Come back here"

As the two made their way out of his sight, into the forest, Yuber sighed. He looked around for a comfortable spot to wait and decided on a tree stump near the springs. Sitting down, he looked up at the sky. Several clouds floated by, and the boy found himself reminiscing of times spent in college doing nothing but staring at the sky while he was supposed to be attending class. Why had he been pulled from that life?

Unbeknownst to the boy, the cause of recent events was watching him nearby.

"Going to Jusenkyo, eh?" Kari muttered. "I couldn't have planned it any better myself." She milled some thoughts about in her head. He was sitting close to a spring, but it didn't look like he was going to take the plunge. Perhaps with a little help?

Grinning, the girl threw a rock into the air then caught it, testing its weight.

Yuber leaned back, continuing to keep his gaze toward the heavens. He didn't bother trying to label the clouds, comparing them to objects as others often did. Seeing them floating free in the eternal blue sky, that was what cloud watching was about.

A splash directly behind him shook him from his reverie. He turned his head, noticing some ripples in the spring nearby. Had something, a rabbit or such, fallen in? He mentally weighed the risks, but curiosity won out. He'd be careful enough to not fall in.

On his hands and knees, the boy peered over the edge and into the spring. It was fairly deep, but clear. The bottom was easily visible, with nothing in the water at all except a few rocks near the bottom. Had a rock fallen in? But that didn't make any sense.

He didn't notice the kunai being thrown at him, even when it sunk into the soil next to his elbow. He noticed when that part of the ground collapsed, however, sending him sprawling into the spring.

* * *

Link was confident in her skills as a tracker. However, the chase was going too far from Jusenkyo for her liking. Using her skills, she was able to steer the bear in the direction she wanted, being sure that it was heading east, toward Japan. 

With the fact in mind that she could track the creature to her leisure, the blonde went back to collect her husband, so they could begin their journey. The sight that greeted her was unexpected.

The Jusenkyo Guide had wrapped a large towel around a young girl, apparently sixteen, with short, dark hair. She wore the same outfit that Link's husband had been wearing, a green Chinese outfit borrowed off of a male friend. The guide was making his way to his hut whilst the girl sat on a stump, shivering from the cold waters of the pond she had come out of.

"Husband?" the Amazon asked, approaching. Seeing that he hadn't heard her, she reiterated. "Yuber? Is that you?"

The boy-turned-girl looked up. It looked like she may have been crying. Link couldn't be sure.

In any case, the Amazon burst out laughing. "You fell into the Nyannichuan! Oh, honestly, did I not warn you of Jusenkyo's curses?" She found the situation highly amusing. Anything that spited her husband was good, and being able to rub his own uselessness into his face was doubly so.

"I'm glad you find this humorous," her husband, or now wife, muttered darkly.

Link smiled as she took a seat on the ground next to Yuber. "I do, very much so."

The Jusenkyo Guide appeared again, this time with a brass kettle. He dumped the contents onto Yuber's head, who became male once more. He quickly toweled off his hair then put it back into his ponytail. "Oh, and by the way..." he began.

Link cocked her head to the side.

"I didn't fall into Nyannichuan." As he handed the towel back to the guide, he finished. "I fell into Akaneniichuan."

* * *

Later that night, the Jusenkyo Guide was putting away the registry. He had just made the changes necessary for the new customer when a knock came upon his door. 

Wondering who it could be, the guide walked over, opening the door for whoever it might be. The sight of a small girl, in her early teens or even earlier, with short blue hair was not what the guide had expected.

"Excuse me," the girl said with a smile, "could you show me the way to Naniichuan?"

* * *

Ukyo drew open the entrance to her restaurant and brushed aside the curtains to greet the rising sun and a new business day. She closed her eyes and drew in the early morning air into her nostrils. With a smile and a sigh she opened her eyes lazily. 

She was mildly surprised to find she wasn't the only early riser out to enjoy the morning air. Directly across the street was a boy, maybe a year or two older than her. He was leaning against a parked motorcycle with his arms crossed and was looking at her with a smirk. His black hair was all pulled into a top knot except for his bangs which fell to either side of his face. It was a face that was cute, if not handsome. He was no Ranchan, that was for sure. He was dressed in a black silk shirt that was buttoned all the way up to his mandarin collar and a leather riding jacket. He also had on leather riding pants that he was athletic enough to fill out nicely.

This wasn't the first time Ukyo had noticed what a boy looked like since Ranma and Akane's failed wedding attempt. Like all the previous times, she put such thoughts from her mind. It was still too soon to give up on her Ranchan.

The boy had started to walk across the road. He waved and smiled as he approached. "I don't suppose you're open now are you? I'm half starved and I heard you made the best Okonomiyaki in all of Japan, maybe even the world." His smile was odd, like he was enjoying some private joke.

"Well you've heard right, though I'm not exactly open yet sugar." Ukyo smiled brightly at the boy. "Still, that doesn't mean I can't whip you up something. You can come in and wait while I do it." She turned and pushed past the curtains and back into her restaurant. The boy followed her through and immediately took a seat by the grill. The same seat that Ranma normally took, she noted. "What do want on it sugar?"

"I'm in the mood for shrimp today I think." The boy was looking around as if he were returning to a favorite watering hole after an absence. He certainly seemed to be at home and Ukyo felt that he seemed to fit in as well. Except that he was sitting in Ranma's seat. He watched her as she went about the task of preparing his meal with a warm smile. After a moment he spoke. "If this is Ucchan's, I'll go out on a limb and assume that you're Ucchan?"

Ukyo nodded while she flipped the flattened dough. "That's right sugar."

He nodded as though he weren't at all surprised by that fact. "Is that short for Ukyo?"

The chef nodded. "Right again sugar."

Now the boy leaned in a bit. "May I call you Ucchan?"

That caused her to pause. "I don't even know your name sugar."

He nodded, never losing his smile. "Of course, how rude of me. I'm Daisetsu and I just arrived here from Juuban. You're the first person I've met here in Nerima. I was just hoping we could be friends is all."

Ukyo blushed for some reason she couldn't quite define. "Of course we can be friends sugar. And ya can call me Ucchan too, if you don't mind if I call you Daichan."

Daisetsu nodded easily. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Ucchan." He said her nickname with the same practiced ease as her own Ranchan.

That was when the third person in the room made their presence known. "Good morning, Ukyo! Is this vagabond giving you any trouble?"

Glancing over her shoulder, Ukyo smiled at the irate ninja. "Not at all Konatsu! He's a customer."

The cross dressing ninja glared the twin daggers of death and hatred at the interloper. "Well, if he causes any trouble I'll be here, watching." With that Konatsu again slipped out of view.

"Here ya go, sugar." Ukyo delivered the plate of food with a smile.

"Thanks!" exclaimed Daisetsu with gusto. He immediately took a bite and his smile told Ukyo all she needed to know about how much he enjoyed it.

Now it was Ukyo's turn to watch the young man for a moment before asking questions. "So what brings you here to Nerima?"

Daisetsu swallowed before he answered. "I agreed to meet a friend here. Someone I met over the internet. We've both heard a lot about Nerima and thought it would be nifty to check it out for ourselves."

The young woman laughed. "Well you two won't be disappointed, this place is anything but dull." She started going about opening the restaurant officially. "Is this one of those internet romances I've heard about?"

Suddenly and forcefully Daisetsu spewed the contents of his mouth out through his nose. Then he choked for several moments before recovering. "Err... no. We just have a few interests in common is all. She's way to young for me for starters."

Ukyo felt relieved at that and then guilty. She had to remember that she was engaged to Ranchan. "Well, I hope your meeting goes well for you then, sugar. When and where will you two be meeting?"

That caused Daisetsu to frown slightly. "Well, we agreed to meet here, but we didn't exactly nail down when. Not even a specific date. Just that we'd both come here when we got to Nerima."

Ukyo pursed her lips cutely. "Well what's her name, sugar? I could keep an eye out for her and let you know when she gets here."

"Kari Umikage," Daisetsu replied. "She's about fourteen with short blue hair."

"Sounds easy to spot" Ukyo said with a smile. "Now if you tell me where you're staying and how to reach you, we'll be all set." She grabbed up a pen and notepad, eager to record his contact information.

Again Daisetsu felt compelled to frown. "Well, I haven't got a place to stay or a number yet. I don't even know how long I'll be staying in Nerima so perhaps I should get a job..."

The perfect solution jumped into Ukyo's mind. "You could work here! I could clean out one of the storage rooms and you could stay there. And food wouldn't be a problem obviously. I'd have to deduct room and board from your wages of course."

A very warm smile crossed Daisetsu's face. "Wow, Ucchan, that sounds like a great idea..." His face dropped a bit. "But there's something you should know about me first."

The young Okonomiyaki chef wore a mask of concern. "You're not gay are you? Or married?" Then the oddness of her questions occurred to her. "Or a criminal, or something?"

He just shook his head slightly. "Nothing like that." Sure, he was engaged to Nabiki, but she hadn't exactly asked that. "It's hard to explain and you'd probably think I was crazy, but if I live here, it would come out eventually, it always does."

Ukyo's face softened. "What is it sugar? It can't be that bad."

Sighing, he answered. "I'm cursed. I was training at a place called Jusenkyo..."

She immediately gasped. "You've been to Jusenkyo?" Then on impulse she threw a glass of water at him.

The now female Daisetsu blew a damp bang out of her eyes. "A girl. I change into a girl."

Immediately Ukyo put a kettle on. "I know a lot of people who've been cursed. I'm even engaged to one of them. He turns into a girl, too. His name is Ranma."

"Perhaps I could meet him sometime then," Daisetsu said amicably.

"I'd be happy to introduce the two of you, sugar." Ukyo really hoped that the two of them would get along. But then she thought that maybe Ranma might get jealous and that might cause him to get serious about the two of them.

Just then someone else walked into the restaurant. She was a short, underdeveloped girl of about twelve to fourteen years with short blue hair. She was wearing boot cut jeans and a button up pink and white floral print blouse.

"Oh look, sugar!" Ukyo exclaimed while pointing with one of her small spatulas. "I think your friend just arrived." She was quite jubilant. Daisetsu had been right, this Kari girl was way too young and seemed kind of boyish to boot.

The blue haired girl stopped and looked the other two over. She had been expecting to meet Daisetsu here as a guy, but the soaking wet hair on the other customer clued her into what must have happened. "You wouldn't be Daisetsu, would you?"

The cursed individual in question nodded. "That's me." Seeing that Ukyo was a little confused, Daisetsu explained to her, "I've already told her about my curse and how it works."

The young blue haired girl and the currently female young man shook hands naturally in the western fashion. In English, Daisetsu addressed his new acquaintance. "It's good to finally meet you."

Kari responded in equally fluent English. "Same here dude, but don't you think it's kind of rude to use English in front of someone who can't understand it?"

He nodded once. "You're right, but there are things we need to discuss that we don't want anyone else understanding." Switching back to Japanese the kendoist addressed Ukyo with a smile. "Sorry about that, Ucchan. One of the interests we share is a love of western culture. Call us geeks, but we've even learned the language."

The chef smiled patiently. "I understand. My friend's sister knows a little English. She even made animal plaques for herself and her sisters with their names on them. They've hung them on their doors. Apparently she thinks knowing English will help her in the business world."

In the rafters, Konatsu was not smiling. His stepmother's establishment had catered to many American customers, so learning English had been a requirement. Not only did he not speak it without an accent, but also with better diction than most westerners. These two strangers had secrets and were up to something. There was no way he was going to let either of them hurt Ukyo!

Kari and Daisetsu exchanged looks at Ukyo's words. Daisetsu smiled and nodded to Ukyo. "Thank you. That's good to know. I don't suppose you know anyone else we might be able to practice our English with?"

"Oh sure!" Ukyo exclaimed. "My waitress, Konatsu, is quite fluent. I normally let her handle all the English customers. She's been trying to get me to learn... and I'm beginning to think she may be right."

The cross-dressing ninja was swearing in his mind using a number of languages. Now the strangers would be more careful around him. That Daisetsu was clever and subtle. There was no doubt at all that he was up to no good. Something would have to be done to get rid of him. Perhaps arrange some sort of vendetta with Ranma?

"You know Kari, you should try the Okonomiyaki here." Daisetsu grinned at Ukyo. "Ucchan here is easily the best chef you'll ever encounter."

While Ukyo was blushing, Kari was thinking. 'Ucchan? Boy, this guy didn't waste any time. But according to Crossover he was married to Nabiki. Maybe this Daisetsu hasn't gotten to that point in his life?' Well, it wasn't really any of her business anyway. To Ukyo she said cheerily, "I'd love some. I've never had a chance to try okonomiyaki, but I heard that you're good and wouldn't miss it for the world."

Always eager to please a customer, and perhaps taken aback by the fact the girl had never tried okonomiyaki, Ukyo set about preparing her meal with gusto, pausing only long enough to provide Daisetsu with some hot water which he promptly used to restore his masculinity.

"Holy crap!" Kari exclaimed when he transformed.

Daisetsu blinked at her. "I though you said you knew someone who was cursed? I wouldn't think the transformation would be that startling."

"It's not that." Kari peered at the young mans face. "A year or two older perhaps, but I recognize you! You were an upperclassman in my school!"

That caused Daisetsu to chew his lip. In another world, the real Daisetsu Saito might not have died, so it was certainly feasible. Best to play along for now, as best he could. "Is that so? I'm afraid I don't remember you. Nothing personal, but I didn't spend too much time with freshmen."

A mischievous smile crossed Kari's face. "Well it's no wonder. You were always with that girl in your class. Real gold digger type. You two aren't still together, are you?"

Daisetsu cleared his throat to buy him the time he needed to come up with a story that wasn't a lie, but concealed the truth. "Our paths have taken us apart." He smiled broadly at the girl and wondered how much she really knew about him. He had taken the opportunity to learn all he could about her after all.

Kari was actually approving. The guy thought fast on his feet. An important skill. An almost ninja-like quality, in fact.

Soon enough Kari was served her food and she dug in. She was mildly surprised at just how good it was. It made her wish that Ukyo had arrived back in her own world. Well, she would soon enough anyway. In between mouthfuls of food she asked Daisetsu, "Have you found a place to stay yet?"

He nodded. "Sure have. I'll be staying and working right here."

Kari nearly choked. He really did move fast. She quickly recovered. "I still need to find a place."

"The Ono clinic occasionally takes boarders for extra income. If Doctor Tofu could take in that hussy Shampoo, he shouldn't have any problem at all with you sugar," Ukyo interjected.

The diminutive ninja nodded. "Thanks Ukyo, that's a good idea." She continued to eat while adding absently, "I'll have swing around there later."

"I don't suppose you could provide us with directions Ucchan? We are after all new around here." Daisetsu shot Kari a look and a grimace.

"Of course sugar. It's no trouble at all." Ukyo got out a pen and a notepad to sketch out a small map and some directions. "Here ya go, sugar."

Kari accepted the paper while suppressing a blush. She would have to be more careful about making such amateurish mistakes in the future. It's just that she was in such a good mood recently that she was letting her guard down. She'd definitely have to pay more attention.

Daisetsu was satisfied that he had gotten her back sufficiently for letting that gold digger crack slip. In Crossover he had been married to Nabiki while at University. That seemed odd to him as he and Nabiki had agreed to wait until after they were done with school to wed. And the fact that he had seemingly taken her family name dumbfounded him. His uncle would disown him. From what he had read in Bear's profile, he gathered that there was a rewrite of his life story in progress. No doubt he was from the rewritten version while Crossover was based on the original version. Interesting. Perhaps Kari knew less about him than he did about her, unless she had bothered to read the rewrite. He'd have to wait to see.

"Well, I should see about getting a place now." Kari pushed the now empty plate away from her.

"Here, I'll give you a ride on my motorbike." Daisetsu stood up and bowed to Ukyo. "Once I drop her off I'll come back so I can finish my training, if that's okay with you, boss?"

Ukyo nodded. "Sure thing sugar. Make sure your friend is settled in."

With that the two SIs walked out of the restaurant. At the bike, Daisetsu handed his younger friend a helmet.

"Thanks for covering up for me back there, Dai. I can't believe I slipped like that." Kari was shaking her head in disgust.

"Just a sec, Kari," Daisetsu interrupted while staring hard at a mail box. "You may as well show yourself Konatsu. I know you followed us outside the restaurant."

Irritable at having been caught, the beautiful ninja stepped out into plain view. "You're good stranger. I'm not sure how you noticed me since I was in your blind side the whole time."

Kari was slack jawed. She'd always wondered how she might stack up against Konatsu. She hadn't had the slightest idea he'd ever been there. This must be the Zen circle technique that Daisetsu knew from Crossover. She'd have to get him to teach it to her.

Daisetsu shrugged. "You stink of rotten elder berries."

Konatsu lunged but was blocked by a wooden bokuto that appeared from nowhere into Daisetsu's hands. While Kari could see that Konatsu was faster than the kendoist, Daisetsu had been able to anticipate and counter his move even as he was making it. It set her mind wheeling. If she could combine her speed with that ability to sense her opponents intentions and focus, she would be unstoppable! There was no way she would be leaving Nerima without learning that technique!

Meanwhile Daisetsu was smiling confidently at the ninja who was held at bay by the bokuto. "Lets just both go about our business, shall we? After all, what would Ucchan think of her employees fighting like this?"

That comment made Konatsu back off reluctantly. "I'll be watching you."

Daisetsu returned the bokuto to its storage place on his bike. "Good. You may learn something." Then he threw a leg over the bike and invited Kari to do the same. Soon enough they were whipping down the road to the clinic.

Konatsu smiled to himself. "I'm already learning, stranger. I've learned that you know the Zen awareness technique. I believe there's a counter technique somewhere in my scrolls. Shouldn't take me too long to master it. I've also learned that you know your way around here already, since neither of you even glanced at the map and directions that Ukyo made for you."

The ninja smirked to himself as he headed back inside.

* * *

Part One 

fin


	2. Part Two

Retribution

Part 2

Not Out of the Woods Yet!

* * *

"Thanks," Kari said, hopping off of Daisetsu's motorbike. She'd never ridden on one before and the girl had to admit that it was an awesome experience. She'd really enjoy learning how to ride one. Too bad she was too young to consider it for a year and a half, yet.

Daisetsu nodded to the girl. "No problem." He thought a moment. "Want me to go in with you? It might make it easier on you, and Ukyo did say it was okay for me to stay until you were settled in." He conversed in English, as he and Kari were both comfortable with the language.

The girl waved off his offer. "Nah, you go back and get settled in. I'll be fine on my own." She gave him a thumb's up. "This is my chance to hang with the doc, you go spend time with Ucchan."

The boy chuckled. "Well, if you're sure."

The blue-haired girl nodded. "Yep! I am." She turned and walked to the door of the clinic, pausing at the door until she heard the engine of Daisetsu's motorbike fade into the distance. She hesitated a moment longer before steeling herself and opening the door.

The interior of the clinic was the same as she remembered. Hygienic, as one would expect, and generally the same as any other doctor's office. His medical skeleton, Betty, was along the side of the wall, just where she remembered it being.

The doctor himself was scribbling on some paper at a desk, and he glanced up as the ninja entered. "Ah, hello," he greeted her with a smile, shuffling his papers to the side. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, you can." The ninja closed to door behind her and walked over to the young man. "You're Dr. Tofu, aren't you?" She feigned ignorance, as she had yet to be introduced to the Dr. Tofu of this world.

The man in question adjusted his glasses. "Yes, I am. And who might you be?"

"My name is Kari Umikage." The young kunoichi took a seat across from the young doctor. "I heard from Ukyo Kuonji that you sometimes accept boarders. I was wondering if, maybe, I could possibly room here?"

"You've been to Ucchan's then I take it?" Dr. Tofu gave the girl a patient smile. "Well, it's true that I do sometimes allow people to board in my clinic, in exchange for working here. It helps me with my job, and it's always good to have company."

"Working here?" Kari hadn't thought that far ahead. But, of course, it didn't take much thinking to realize the importance of getting a job. She had no idea how long she'd be staying, so it would be imperative. "That'd be fine. How much of my wages would be deducted for room and board?"

The ponytailed man set his elbows on the desk as he explained some of the technical details to the ninja. She listened intently until he was finished.

"That's still fine," the self-insert replied.

"Well, that's good to hear." Dr. Tofu smiled. "But, may I ask, why is it that you want to room here?"

Kari blinked. "Well, like I said, Ukyo recommended you to me."

The chiropractor shook his head. "I meant as to why you were searching for a place to stay in the first place."

"Oh." The ninja paused. "Well, I've heard a lot of interesting things about Nerima, you see." She looked up at the ceiling. "I'm a fighter, see, and I thought that by moving here I might learn some valuable techniques, or at the very least expand my training." That was true enough; she really did want to learn that Zen awareness that she had seen Daisetsu using.

"I see." Dr. Tofu nodded. "Can I ask you what style of martial arts you practice?"

"Ninjitsu." That didn't specify her school, but it was good enough.

"That explains it, then," the young man replied. "I thought it a bit odd, how silently you moved."

The kunoichi chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose."

The doctor leaned forward, looking over the young girl. He began to ask other general questions, getting some unimportant information that the girl gladly provided. He was a bit surprised that she already possessed some degree of medical knowledge.

Afterwards, there was a bit of silence as the chiropractor thought over the idea. The silence, only broken by the steady rhythm of Dr. Tofu's pen, which he was tapping on the desk, lasted until Kari, unable to bear the silence any longer, spoke. "What do you think, doctor?"

Dr. Tofu smiled. "I'll be glad to have you room here, Kari. When do you plan on moving in?"

The ninja gave a sigh of relief. "Today, if possible."

"I can do that." Dr. Tofu stood up, his chair sliding backwards as he did so. "Thankfully, I don't have any appointments until this evening, so I can help you get settled in."

"Thanks."

* * *

Kari had made a trip home before she had arrived at Ucchan's via her magical device. She had been able to con some money off of her father. Anything that Dr. Tofu wasn't able to provide, she got herself using that money. The room was fully furnished, but the girl had gone out to get several wallscrolls to decorate the room with.

As she entered, her arms full of several wallscrolls, she saw Dr. Tofu giving a checkup to a boy. The boy had his shirt off and appeared to be rather beaten, though not in horrible shape. He had definitely been on the losing side of some match.

Kari also recognized the boy, though she couldn't let that on. "Hello, doc. Who's this?"

Dr. Tofu looked up. "Ah, Kari, welcome back. This is Mousse, one of my regulars."

The long-haired boy adjusted his glasses. "Oh, is this your new boarder, doctor? He looks a bit young to be living by himself."

Kari narrowed her eyes. "Do I look like a guy?" She scoffed, continuing on her way to her room, irate at the half-blind martial artist.

As the girl went to her room, Mousse looked at Dr. Tofu. "That was a girl?"

Kari seethed a bit, throwing her wallscrolls onto her bed. It didn't last long, however, as she was also used to that mistake. The girl took the time to hang up her new wallscrolls, showing anime such as Hajime no Ippo, Urusei Yatsura, and Gundam.

"This'll work," she said to herself. She walked over to her door and opened it, only to find Mousse standing there with his fist in the air, as if he was about to knock. Kari noted that the doctor had done a good job patching the boy up, as would be expected of him. "Eh?" she asked, rather eloquently.

Mousse cleared his throat, looking away from the girl. "I just wanted to say... Sorry about before." He looked embarrassed about having to apologize.

Kari brushed it off. "It's okay, really." She looked up at Mousse. "Oh, I guess we haven't been introduced yet." She was about to extend her hand for a handshake, but she caught herself. Instead, she gave a low bow, as was custom in Japan. "My name's Kari Umikage."

Mousse gave a low bow as well. "My name is Mousse. I'm a visitor from China."

The ninja stopped the bow, as Mousse did. "Can I ask why you were here?" She had a pretty good idea, of course, but he didn't need to know that.

The boy put a hand behind his head, laughing a bit. "Well, I was on the losing end of a fight." He seethed a bit. "That Ranma always seems to be able to counter my moves! But it's okay, I'll get him eventually."

"Ranma?" Kari asked. "As in Ukyo's fiancé? I think that's what she said his name was." She smiled at that. She knew quite well who Ranma was. "Why were you fighting with him?"

Mousse clenched his fist. "He's engaged to half of the town!"

The girl blinked. "That doesn't sound good."

"It isn't," Mousse replied. "But I digress. I should probably get back to the Nekohaten, or else the old ghoul will give me more work."

"Well, it was a pleasure meeting you." Kari smiled at the boy. "But if you have to go then you have to go." As the boy turned to go, the girl added something. "Oh, yeah! You know, if you ever need a sparring partner, I'll be glad to provide you with one."

The cursed boy looked over his shoulder. "Thanks, maybe I'll take you up on that."

"See that you do." Kari giggled. "I'll walk you out, okay?" She and Mousse walked outside, where the girl saw him off. She made note of which direction he was heading in, knowing that way would lead to the Nekohaten.

"That way, huh?" She turned and walked back into the clinic.

* * *

Daisetsu was content. He'd arranged to have the cause of all his life's problems brought to the Ranmaverse for just punishment. What's more, he was there to oversee and assist with that punishment.

As an added bonus, he was allowed a chance to work for and enjoy the company of Ukyo. He told himself that they were just friends and that he wouldn't be staying. He had his fiancée Nabiki to return to eventually.

Yet there was that little voice in his head. Not the one we usually ignore when it's trying to keep us out of trouble. The other one. It was telling him that Nabiki would never know what happened here. He could have his fun and move on. It wasn't like they were married. Heck, wouldn't it be better to sow his wild oats here where no one could get hurt? Surely Nabiki would if given the chance. Heck, hadn't she been engaged to both Kuno and Ranma while still with him? At least he wouldn't be hurting her like she hurt him.

Daisetsu shook his head to clear it of such thoughts.

Ukyo had been pleasantly surprised that he already knew some of the basics of creating Okonomiyaki. Now she was teaching him to be her assistant chef. So they worked together in the close quarters behind the grill. They quickly meshed as a team.

Ukyo grinned as Daisetsu flipped batter as per her direction. It was a scene she had always imagined with Ranchan. Working together to keep the hungry customers fed, sharing both business and life.

It was a dream that she was realizing that Ranma simply didn't share. His art was his life much as her art was her life. Their goals were similar but not the same. She was beginning to admit to herself that Akane shared his goals... and his life far more than she herself did.

Then along came Daisetsu. While far from being a master chef, he enjoyed cooking and, she was pretty sure, her company. She didn't love him as she did Ranchan, but there was something there, none the less.

Perhaps if she had truly lost Ranma to Akane, it was time to move on. And why look further than her own nose?

"Ukyo?" Konatsu's voice snapped Ukyo out of her thoughts. "Three specials for booth eight?"

Ukyo shook her head clear. She had work to do! "Sure thing, sugar!" Her and Daichan immediately set to work creating three masterpieces for consumption.

Working in close quarters as they were, it was impossible not to brush up against each other. So when the little voice told Daisetsu to brush up against Ukyo, he didn't see the harm in complying. He had her in a half embrace as he reached around her slender waist to grab some additional ingredients that were as easily accessible on his side of the grill.

Ukyo glanced at her assistant but didn't object. That provided him the chance he needed to use his finger to plant some flour on her nose. She giggled and he winked at her before turning his attention back to the grill.

A blush crossed Ukyo's face as she also turned back to the grill. Was he flirting with her? She couldn't remember anyone ever doing that before. Sure, there had been guy swarming her like moths to a flame and the overzealous attentions of guys like Tsubasa. This was different. This was subtle and playful. More like an invitation then the crude demands for attention others had made. And an invitation meant she had a choice... but what to choose?

Standing close to Daichan at the grill, she noticed when he suddenly tensed and stared at the door. Looking up, she spotted a familiar face. "Hiya sugar! Whatcha have today?"

Daisetsu was stunned as Nabiki walked in through the door. She wore a hungry expression and was looking directly at him, even when Ukyo asked her what she wanted. Daisetsu gulped slightly as Nabiki wetted her lips with her tongue. Her eyes never left his. "I'll have whatever he's cooking up, please."

"Right! One special, coming right up!" Ukyo announced, and then jabbed Daichan in the ribs to get him moving again. She frowned slightly as she poured batter onto the grill. A little voice started to speak to her heart. It would seem that Nabiki Tendo had a profound effect on her assistant. And the way she looked at him, it was probably mutual. She'd lost one chance for happiness to a Tendo girl, she wasn't about to lose another!

Daisetsu shook his head as he painted batter with sauce. He'd been a little surprised by his first encounter with this world's Nabiki. But it wasn't his Nabiki. Tiny clues that only a lover would notice. It was enough to make him realize that he would always feel terribly guilty if he ever cheated on his chosen mate. Even if she never knew, he would. Thus, with new resolve, he decided to take care of business here and then return home. And most of all, he would remain just friends with Ukyo!

* * *

"Hello?" Akane asked as she entered Dr. Tofu's office. She spotted a young boy sitting at the doctor's desk, wearing a dark blue button-up shirt and red tie. She didn't recognize him, but figured that the doctor must have hired some help.

"Hello," the boy greeted, raising his head as the youngest Tendo entered. He seemed to be looking over some papers, but shuffled them aside. "Can I help you?"

Akane walked inside. "Um, who are you? Where's Dr. Tofu?"

"The doctor's getting some refreshments. My name's Kari Umikage." Kari had learned what the doctor wanted done, and so she was able to start working. She was surprised when Akane Tendo entered, but she supposed she shouldn't be. "And you might be?" She resisted the urge to address Akane by name; after all, they had been friends.

"Akane Tendo," was the reply to Kari's question. Akane paused for a moment. "Hey, wait, isn't Kari a girl's name?"

"Very astute," Kari deadpanned. "It's a girl's name because I'm a girl."

"Oh." Akane tried to hide a blush. "I'm sorry. It's the clothes, they threw me off."

Kari waved a hand dismissively. "It's all right." It was Akane, and Kari couldn't get angry at the girl. "You can take a seat until the doctor comes out., all right?"

The older girl pulled up a chair, taking a seat in it. "So, you're working here now?"

"Obviously," Kari replied jovially. "It's part of my agreement for staying here with the doctor."

The conversation would have continued if the good doctor didn't appear at that moment. "Oh, hello Akane," Dr. Tofu greeted as he entered the room, holding two glasses of water, one in each hand. "I didn't expect to see you today. What's the problem?"

"Good afternoon, doctor!" The girl put on a cheerful smile. "There's no problem, I'm just here to return this book for Kasumi." She reached over to her schoolbag, which she had placed by her side. She had just stopped by on her way home from school, so she had her bag and was still wearing her school uniform.

"K-K-Kasumi?" The good doctor's glasses fogged up a bit. He tried placing the glasses of water on the desk, but fumbled one of them, which, naturally, spilled on the only Jusenkyo-cursed person in the room.

Kari wiped the water from his face.

"Oh, Kari! I'm sorry!" The mention of Kasumi's name wore off when the doctor noticed what he had done.

Akane's eyes widened. "Kari? Your hair changed color!"

Indeed it had. Kari's hair, normally blue, was now pitch black. Otherwise, however, he appeared much the same. Still short, and still appearing like an effeminate boy. But at least there was one other major change, though that one wasn't quite as visible.

"Yeah," the girl-turned-boy replied. "I fell into the Naniichuan, the spring of drowned boy, at Jusenkyo." She looked past Akane, as if staring off into the distance. "I've heard that there are quite a few in Nerima with such curses, so I hope it won't be too much of a shock for you." The boy knew how involved in the odd affairs of Nerima Akane was, so there wasn't much chance of that.

The short-haired girl chuckled. "No, no, I'm not shocked, just a little surprised is all. Heck, my fiancé has a curse, too."

"Really now?" Kari asked with a smile. The two conversed as Dr. Tofu tried to find his bookshelves. He was searching the kitchen, so the two got in a bit of conversing before Akane decided to leave.

* * *

"Gods, I'm tired." Yuber was trudging along behind his wife, who was setting a pace tough for military men. The boy was in fairly good shape, but this was in direct violation of his inherent laziness.

Link patiently ignored the ramblings of her husband. She stooped down, checking the earth. The bear cub had been this way, but it had tried hiding its tracks with a branch. Her prey was smart, she realized. It would be a magnificent hunt.

"C'mon, can't we take a break?" The boy wasn't even winded, he just felt the need to complain.

The Amazon felt an eye twitch. Tomorrow. She could hunt the bear tomorrow. Today she'd keep her husband from complaining. Perhaps if she kept him busy?

"Husband," she began, "we'll make camp here tonight."

"Make camp," Yuber said with a snort. "You act like we have tents or something." Nonetheless, he plopped down on the earth, glad to be stopping for the day.

Link walked over and took a seat next to him, though he didn't even pay any attention to her as she did. She cleared her throat. "Husband, I believe that I should teach you how to speak Japanese."

Yuber blinked at that. "Wait, you know Japanese?"

The girl felt like hitting her husband. "Would I go to Japan without knowing the language?" She wasn't stupid. "My mother taught me the language. She spent some time there in her youth."

"Why do I need to learn it?" Yuber was sulking. It wasn't that he didn't see the advantages of being able to, say, understand people... it was that he didn't feel like putting forth the effort to learn the language.

"It's to keep you occupied," his wife replied simply. "If you'd rather, I could teach you fencing instead." She put her hand on the hilt of her rapier.

"Japanese it is!" Yuber said with a false smile. "Just keep that rapier away from me."

It was several hours later and well past dark when Link ended their lessons. Yuber was a quick study, though he still complained during the lesson. But now it was time for dinner.

The girl reached into her pack and pulled free everything she needed to make some stew. She was a decent cook, though she'd rather not have to give her husband any. She'd had his cooking though, and quickly agreed that she should be the only one to ever touch the cooking utensils.

It wasn't long before she poured herself and her husband bowls of the stew. The aroma was intoxicating for the starving Yuber, and he began to eat immediately.

At least, until he felt the edge of a rapier at his throat.

It was oddly nostalgic.

"Husband," Link began in a pleasant tone, "what have I said about starting before the host?"

"Are you the host now?" the boy replied. He began to sweat. Wait, that was the wrong answer.

"I won't let you begin until I've said Grace." Link took the sword from her husband's throat and sheathed it. She was smiling. She wasn't Christian in the least. Her father had let her decide what religion she would follow, and she chose the religion of the Amazons'. She was only doing this to spite her husband.

He knew it, too. But he couldn't argue with her. "Just get it over with," he muttered.

She made sure to take her time.

* * *

Over the course of the next two weeks, Kari had run into almost all of the Nerima wrecking crew. Ranma and Shampoo came in at once, the girl having run over Ranma's face with her bike. She was just as annoying as Kari remembered from her trip to the Amazon village.

Kasumi came by to borrow another book. That had been an interesting experience. Thankfully, Kari was fast enough to avoid Dr. Tofu whenever he seemed to want to bend her limbs into any odd shapes.

The strangest, however, was her meeting with Ryoga. She had been sitting at her desk, going over the doctor's appointments, when she heard the door to the bathroom open. Knowing that nobody had been in there, Kari turned to see what it was.

"Er, hello, miss," Ryoga greeted as he exited the restroom. "Can I ask what you're doing in the barn? I think the farmer would get mad if somebody he didn't know was in here."

Kari double-blinked. "Barn? Ryoga, this is Dr. Tofu's office. In Nerima."

The fanged boy groaned. "Wait, I'm in Nerima? I could have sworn I was in a farm in Hokkaido..." Before the girl could reply, he continued with another statement. "Wait, how do you know my name?"

The girl quickly ran some thoughts through her head before deciding on one. "Well, I heard about you from Ranma. You matched his description fairly well." She cracked a smile. "Besides, who else could arrive from a bathroom thinking he's on a farm?"

Ryoga clenched a fist. "Curse that Ranma! He's always spreading stories about me!" He growled.

The ninja felt the urge to groan. Her Ryoga saw Ranma as a compatriot, or a rival, not an enemy like this Ryoga. It was different seeing him act like that. "Where are you off to?" the girl asked, changing the subject. "I have a break soon, so maybe I can help you find your way."

"I'm off to the Unryuu farm," the fanged boy replied. "But it's all right, I can find my own way there." As he was about to leave the room (into the kitchen, coincidentally,) he paused. "By the way, what's your name? You know mine, but I don't know yours."

"Kari Umikage," the girl replied, tugging at her tie. She felt out of place, introducing herself to the person she thought of as her best friend. "I'm staying here with Dr. Tofu."

"Nice to meet you."

Kari smiled. "You, too."

Ryoga made his exit. Then, a minute later, he came out and made his exit again, this time actually finding the door that led outside.

* * *

Link couldn't believe it. This bear cub had actually gone into the sea in an attempt to lose her. This was no ordinary bear, she was sure. Above average intelligence, it provided quite the chase.

"What's the matter?" her husband asked as he approached from behind her, hands in his pockets. "Did you lose the trail?" He hoped so. Yuber didn't want to see a poor bear cub be slaughtered to make him a coat. Of course, it's not like he could do much to stop the girl. And besides, he was too lazy to try.

"It went into the sea," Link answered honestly. "It's probably heading for Japan."

"You're giving it too much credit," Yuber replied. "How would it even know where Japan is?" He sat down, looking out to sea. The ocean was vast, he realized as he looked out to the horizon. "It's far more likely that it swam out, then followed the coast for a bit before coming ashore again where you are less likely to find it." He looked over at his wife, noting the look of distaste she was wearing. "You'd have a fifty percent chance of finding its trail, following the coast either way."

"I thought you didn't want me to find the creature," Link replied flatly.

The boy shrugged. "I can't stand seeing a pretty girl in distress." Another guy would've finished the statement off with a roguish grin. Yuber, of course, merely stared out to sea as he had been doing.

Link almost felt moved. Almost. Instead, she smacked the boy in the back of the head. "Don't try flirting with me now, boy."

Yuber rubbed the back of his head, glaring at his wife. "Ouch... that hurt, you know."

The blonde grinned. "I know."

The brown-haired boy continued. "And I sure as heck wasn't flirting with you." He stuck his tongue out. "And I'm also older than you, so don't call me 'boy.'"

"Older by a year," Link muttered. "In any case, we'd best find a ship to Japan. If the bear cub is heading in that direction, we might get lucky and stumble across it. If not... well, our quest for annulment is more important than a bear cub."

"Sounds like a plan," the ponytailed boy replied. He managed to get to his feet. "I think I see some buildings in this direction, let's go." He and his wife made their way along the coastline, heading toward where they believed a port to be.

* * *

Despite their incredible bulk, a bear can be a surprisingly fast runner. As a predator, they are capable of spurts of speed to run down their prey. In North America, they have risen to become the apex hunter, with only humanity challenging their dominance of the continent. How a black bear ever found its way to Jusenkyo only to drown as a cub is anyone's guess.

How one bear cub in particular came to be running all-out for much longer than nature ever intended wasn't so hard to guess. For not far behind the cub was an Amazon warrior intent on turning the aforementioned cub into a fur coat for her husband. What made the prospect enticing was the fact that her husband was utterly opposed to the idea.

The husband in question had stopped even trying to catch up about two miles back. While Yuber didn't wish the poor bear cub any particular ill will, he acknowledged that there was little he could do to dissuade Link from her current course of action. Besides, he was lazy and simply lacked any energy for the endeavor. Besides, he reasoned to himself, the creature had proved surprisingly clever and resourceful up to this point. No doubt it would evade its fate again today. Any doubts he may have had were washed away in an instant when he heard the distant clap of thunder. If he didn't find cover soon, he would become a defenseless target for any Akane glompers that might be lurking.

The bear cub was getting desperate. This crazy bitch had been on his tail since Jusenkyo. He had hoped that swimming across the sea to China might allow him to lose her, but no such luck. She only seemed to get more and more determined, as if it had become some obscure point of honor not to let this prey escape. While smarter than your average bear, the cub was at something of a disadvantage at not being able to read or understand Japanese.

That didn't stop it from streaking through towns and cities, however. If nothing else, he seemed more at ease in an urban setting than his relentless pursuer. It made quite a scene, a black bear cub bolting down the street and in between cars with an angry Amazon warrior on his heels, swinging a rapier with abandon.

The rain came as a welcome respite to the endangered animal. It helped cool dangerously overheated muscles and darkened the scenery. With luck, he hoped that he might be able to slip away and find cover from his huntress. The problem was that he was severely worn down and she was starting to gain on him. It was only a matter of time before sharp steel penetrated thick fur and fat layers to find something critical beneath. There was the vain hope that she knew enough about bear anatomy to make it quick.

Link smiled to herself. The goddess of the hunt was on her side today. Her prey had been surprisingly elusive, but would soon be hers. It was worn down and tired. That was to be expected since it hadn't eaten properly in days. By this point it was probably burning the protein in its muscles just to keep going. In time, it would make that critical mistake that would allow her to finish the chase. It was a hunt that would have been worthy of a story for the children. A pity that the pelt of the noble beast would be wasted on that slacker she had been saddled with as a husband.

The mistake came as a paw was snagged on a sewer grate. The bear cub went head over paws down the street until it skidded to halt against the damp street curb. Looking up, it saw the instrument of its destruction being brought down in a swift and final arc. All it could do was to close its eyes, hold up its forepaws defensively while wincing. It heard a metallic and high pitched clang yet felt no pain. Hesitantly, it opened its eyes to see that a katana blade had intercepted the rapier on its trajectory.

"I'm afraid I can't let you kill this creature today." A girl in her late teens was holding the katana and was smiling cockily at Link from behind damp bangs.

Link sneered as she drew back to assess her new opponent. What fools these foreign devils were, to come between an Amazon and her prey. A hard lesson this upstart was about to learn. "Stand aside, girl. I've tracked this bear from China and will have its hide. Get in my way and risk my wrath."

In what could only be described as arrogant defiance, the girl moved to stand directly between Link and the bear cub. "You must be an Amazon. Only an Amazon would be single minded enough to chase one bear cub all the way from China and bull headed enough to think everyone else should get out of her way, despite local custom."

That was it. Link wasn't about to stand for insults against her person from this upstart. She agreed that the customs were sometimes questionable, but that was a personal insult. She would have been satisfied in merely soundly defeating this upstart, but now she was risking an object lesson. Perhaps a thin scar on her pretty cheek would teach her proper respect to her betters. With that in mind, she lunged.

The blow never connected. The girl merely ducted under the Amazon's swing. She came up and swung with her own blade, an attack the Amazon easily blocked. Shortly the two swords became a blur as the two women exchanged blows.

In the course of the melee, Link started to realize several things. First was that her opponent seemed to be able to read her every move. How she was managing that feat was completely beyond the Amazon. As frustrating as trying to penetrate the interloper's defenses were, her second realization angered her to new levels. Link's adversary wasn't seriously trying to land a hit against her! It was insulting!

Despite the renewed vigor of her assault, Link remained unable to penetrate the other girl's defenses. "You mock me," she rasped. "Why do you not fight me? Are you a coward?"

"Well you see, here's the thing." The girl took a couple steps back as she spoke. "I know a couple things about Amazon law, so I know if I defeat you, then you have to give me the kiss of death and then I have to either kill you or else put up with your death vendetta. To be frank, I have no desire to do either. On the other hand, if I let you defeat me, then you'll kill that bear cub. And that is something I cannot allow."

Link wasn't warming up to this girl in the least. "It would seem that we are at an impasse, then. Honor demands that I complete the hunt. I have promised that cub's pelt as a coat to my husband. So I must press until I defeat you and I kill the cub, or else you defeat me, in which case I will obey our laws and hunt you until one of us is dead."

"An impasse?" The strange girl tilted her head sideways. "You mean like a draw? What does Amazon law say about what to do when you get into a draw with an outsider woman?"

The answer was automatic for Link. "In such a case, then the outsider can be seen as a worthy equal and the dispute settled by other means."

"Rock, paper, scissors," stated the girl. "We have a draw, so I propose we play rock paper scissors for the fate of the bear cub. Do you know the game?"

Link sheathed her sword. "My father taught it to me when I was little."

Two fists were balled and then shook in the air three times. Link came up with rock while the girl came up with paper. Link frowned, but consoled herself with the knowledge that her husband was unworthy of such a gift anyway. "You are the victor. The bear cub's fate is yours to decide."

The girl scooped up the bear cub and smiled at Link. "Just to show you that there's no hard feelings, why don't you come have something to eat at the restaurant that I work at? Name's Dai, by the way, and it's my treat."

The Amazon nodded curtly. "Very well, I will accept your offer, but I have to wait for my husband to catch up."

As if by cue, Yuber did indeed catch up to his 'loving' wife. He had managed to secure an umbrella and was reasonably content. He was glad, if somewhat surprised, to find his wife talking to a girl about his age holding the very same bear cub that they had chased from China. He couldn't think of anyway to explain the scene, so he simply accepted it.

"Took you long enough husband," Link scolded Yuber in English. "The bear cub belongs to this warrior and she has invited us to a meal."

Yuber came to being as close to happy as he had been in a long time. A free meal was, after all, a free meal, and not something to be sneezed at. "Sound great."

The cub holding girl smiled. "So you two speak English? Great, I'll be able to stay in practice. I'm Dai, by the way."

Something about the name bothered Yuber. It was familiar, and not in a good way. Still, it wasn't enough to deter him from a free meal. "I'm Yuber, and my wife here is named Link." He glanced at the bear cub. "So he's yours, is he? What's his name?"

Dai grinned. "I think I'll call him B-Chan. I have some plans for this little guy."

The little bear cub shivered from a cold that bit down to the very core of his bones.

* * *

In short order, the odd foursome arrived at Ucchan's.

Dai led the way and announced as she walked in, "Sorry I'm late, Ucchan. I got held up with the rain and all."

Ukyo nodded sympathetically. "I sorta figured, sugar. There's some hot water for you in the back so you can freshen up and change." She looked up from the Okonomiyaki she was currently preparing. "Oh, what a cute little bear cub! Where and how did you come by him? Is he yours?"

Dai couldn't help but to laugh at Ukyo's excitement. "We sort of ran into each other. If you like him, he's yours."

Ukyo's eyes went wide as she started to fuss over the creature. Grabbing a towel from the sink, she started to dry it off. "Look at you, one giant ball of wet fur!"

The bear cub was feeling silly with the young girl fussing over him. It was made worse when Dai told her his name. "He's B-Chan. Half as smart as

Chan, but twice as cute!"

"Ya can say that again!" Ukyo exclaimed.

"These two are with me, Ucchan. I told them I'd get their meal on my tab." Dai indicated the two people who had came in with them. The woman was dressed as an Amazon and was scowling about the place while the young man looked like he might flee if given half a chance.

Ukyo gestured to some seats by the grill. "Make yourselves at home. Any friend of Daichan is a friend of mine. What'll ya all be havin'?"

Daichan disappeared into the back while Link placed orders for both her and her husband.

Ever the gracious hostess, Ukyo made an attempt at conversation. "So what brings ya all to Nerima?"

"We married," the young man provided helpfully.

Link rolled her eyes. "We're here to get an annulment, which only our matriarch, Cologne, can grant."

That caught Ukyo's attention. "Amazon marriages can be annulled?"

"Sure," agreed Link as she hungrily eyed what Ukyo was making., "if the woman wants it and if there are special circumstances."

Link's response caused Ukyo to deflate. Shampoo would never want her engagement to Ranma annulled. "What sort of special circumstances?" she asked, still curious.

"Well," Link began to explain, "if the man defeats the woman by fluke and otherwise couldn't hope to obtain victory, then it can be annulled. As is our case. Though, for some reason, the other village elders have refused me on this issue. So I have to take it to Cologne, who is the only one who can help me now."

In short order the meals were served by Konatsu, who was wondering what their connection to Daisetsu might be.

Soon enough, Konatsu's new arrival returned from the back room, now changed into his male form and wearing dry clothes. "Okay, Daichan, give me a hand with these orders," Ukyo automatically greeted the young man.

Link narrowed her eyes a little bit and then outright frowned when she noticed the way the boy handled the spatulas. He was a swordsman, no question about it. She stood up sharply and slammed her hands on the counter. "You tricked me!" A bimbo like Shampoo might miss subtle clues that told you about a person, but Link was not such a fool. "You're her! That girl I fought! Only now you're a guy... Of course! Ukyo told you about the hot water so you could change! You're cursed!"

Daisetsu gave the Amazon a lopsided grin. "Hey, let it go. You already have a husband, so fighting me won't accomplish anything."

"I won't let a mere male beat me!" declared Link. She drew her rapier and lunged. "Defend yourself, dog!"

The kendoist had no choice but to retreat, a path that was suddenly obstructed by a chair placed there by a jealous ninja. The chair was used to block with and soon became splinters.

"Now hold on one damn minute! I don't want ya attacking the help and busting up the place!" Ukyo objected.

"Fine then, we'll take this outside." Link stormed out of the restaurant.

Yuber noticed that the rain had ceased, so he ventured outside with his wife, though he wasn't sure what exactly had set her off this time. His wife had been shouting in Japanese much too fast for him to keep up with.

Daisetsu dashed into the back room to grab his katana and then out into the street to meet the challenge. "Right, since you're married already, what happens if I beat you?"

Link's face was a mask of determination. "Then I train until I can beat you. And before you ask, if I defeat you, then I will claim the prize you cheated me out of!"

Rapier met katana in a blurred melee. After a deft series of feints, Daisetsu managed to disarm Link with the flick of his wrist and then held the tip of the blade under her chin. "I've trained to become one of the best swordsmen of my generation by the best of his generation. Don't waste your time or mine by pursuing this vendetta."

"I won't quit until I've won!" swore Link.

"But sugar, if Daichan here defeats you after you've annulled your marriage, then you'll have to marry Daichan. You'll just be trading one unwanted husband for another." Ukyo had stepped outside to watch the fight, but really didn't want to have to deal with an Amazon with a grudge against one of her employees.

"Then there shall be no annulment until I have bested this arrogant bastard!"

Yuber began to cry.

* * *

Yuber and Link made their way to the Nekohaten. Thanks to a map provided by Ukyo before they departed, they knew exactly where it was.

The boy was keeping as silent as possible, seeing how much his wife was seething. He knew from experience that the best thing to do when she was in a bad mood was to avoid her. Too bad they still had to find lodgings, which meant seeing the Amazons in Nerima.

They'd be staying... and not asking for an annulment! It almost made Yuber cry. Well, scratch that, he had cried earlier.

"How much further?" Link asked through gritted teeth. She was still obviously sour at being faced with a male stronger than herself. Especially since she couldn't annul her marriage until after she defeated that male. It was infuriating!

Yuber scrambled to pull out the map from his pocket. He didn't feel like getting on his wife's bad side, that was for sure. That rapier was probably really sharp. "We're about a block and a half away," he quickly informed his wife, after deciphering their current location on the paper. Thankfully, Ukyo was fairly good at providing directions.

"Good," his wife replied. She looked down as she walked.

Yuber noticed that the closer they got to the Nekohaten, the slower his wife began to walk. He looked at her, examining her face. Instead of appearing angry, she seemed to be sulking now. "Great," the boy thought to himself, "now I'm stuck with a moody woman." As he watched her, he saw her stop. "Eh?" he spoke out loud. "Why'd you stop?"

"We're here," the blonde replied, pointing toward a building.

Yuber looked over, noting it. It definitely appeared to be a restaurant, that was for sure. But since his knowledge of Japanese was limited to the verbal aspect, and even that was little at best, he couldn't read any of the signs. "I'll take your word for it," the boy said.

"You'd best," Link replied. She walked over to the door, opening it. Door chimes went off, alerting the staff to the newcomers.

"Welcome to the Nekohaten!" a longhaired boy, though not Yuber, said in greeting. He walked over, then adjusted his glasses when he saw Link's face. "Wait, Link? Is that you?"

The girl nodded. "Yes," she replied in Japanese, the same language Mousse had used in greeting. "I'm glad to see you're doing well, Mousse."

"Why doesn't anybody speak English in Japan?" Yuber muttered to himself in English. In Japanese, he said, "Good afternoon." He stuck to simple phrases to avoid looking dumb. Like Shampoo.

Mousse set down the menus he had been carrying on a nearby table. "What brings you here, Link? And who's your friend?"

"I her husband," Yuber replied with a grin. He felt a bit safer raising his wife's ire while in a public restaurant. "I name Yuber."

Mousse ignored the bad grammar, realizing that Yuber was obviously foreign and probably wasn't used to speaking Japanese. But what he said was quite interesting. "Husband?"

"Yes, he's my husband," Link replied. She could feel her own eye twitch in irritation of her husband. She'd find a way to get him back. "In any case, however, we're here to find a place to stay for a while." She looked around, not noticing either Shampoo or Cologne nearby. "Is there somebody we can talk to about it?"

"I'll take you to the kitchen," the black-haired martial artist replied. He turned around, motioning for the two to follow him. He led the pair through some curtains into the kitchen where an old woman was working over a pot.

She looked over as the three entered. Yuber was momentarily caught thinking that he was staring at a dried-up old monkey.

"Link? What are you doing here?" The old woman's voice seemed surprised.

Mousse cleared his throat. "She and her husband are looking for a place to stay for a while."

He quickly found himself whapped on the head with a thick wooden cane. "Did I ask you, boy? I asked the Amazon!" She looked over. "But is what he says true? Is this weak male next to you your husband?"

Link nodded. "It is true, I'm afraid."

Cologne turned her attention back to the pot, stirring its contents. After a moment, she continued. "I see." She stirred the contents a bit more. "Well, we do have a free room. You and your husband are welcome to use it as long as you wish, as long as the both of you don't mind working here for room and board." She looked over, waving her hand. "Mousse can show you the way."

Seeing the elder wave her hand, Yuber bowed low. "Thank you very much," he said. As he and the other two left, he asked Link, in English, "Now what did she say?"

As they began to ascend the stairs, Link answered. "She said that we can stay in their spare room as long as we work here."

"The same room?" Yuber asked incredulously. Then, a moment later, he said, even more incredulously, "Wait, work!"

* * *

It had been a long day with many ups and downs for the bear cub now called B-Chan. He'd been on the very verge of death, only to be snatched from those very nasty jaws by his mortal enemy.

That very same enemy had brought him to Ucchan's to become her pet. That was an even more sinister torture than merely running for one's life. For while B-Chan was instantly infatuated with Ukyo, she saw him as nothing more than a simple pet. Worse, B-Chan had no way of understanding her nor communicating his thoughts to her. He didn't understand Japanese and she apparently didn't understand English. It was a conundrum, to be sure. Still, he was confident he would eventually think his way out of the situation. Just as he was sure that he would deal with his errant avatar.

At the moment, however, he faced a conundrum of a different sort. While having Ucchan fuss over him all day had been, in a word, pleasant, it had left him unable to pursue certain needs. Needs which were even now demanding his attention.

Ukyo hadn't been insensitive to him, having anticipated his needs with laid out newspaper. What he had done in the wilds of China while on the run for his life had been borne out of necessity. Now he found the prospect of squatting to do his business rather... uncivilized.

Snooping around brought B-Chan what he sought. The bathroom in all its glory! And glory of glories, it was a western style setup! With a satisfied grin he climbed up onto the throne to carry out natures routine.

A sideways glance revealed an English magazine some customer had carelessly discarded. Not having read anything at all in quite some time, he picked it up and awkwardly thumbed through the pages. Having claws and no opposable thumbs meant he had virtually no manual dexterity to speak of. Yet he was a very adaptable and determined creature.

Meanwhile, Ukyo had decided it was time to clean out the customer bathrooms. She had given Konatsu and Daisetsu the evening off without realizing that this particular chore was incomplete. Well, both of her boys were hard workers and deserved a little time to themselves. Besides, they had seemed about ready to go for each others throats. She couldn't quite understand why they had such a hard time getting along. She liked both of them, so couldn't see why they wouldn't like each other just as well.

When Ukyo opened the door to the restroom, B-Chan lowered the paper slightly and looked at her over its edge.

Their eyes met and held one another's gaze for several moments.

Surrendering to the situation, Ukyo backed out of the small room.

"Well," Ukyo said to herself while she waited outside for her pet to finish up. "That answers the question about what bears do in the woods."

Later, Ukyo would discuss the situation with Akane.

"You know sugar, it's not that he goes on the toilet. I've heard of cats doing the same damn thing." Ukyo was shaking her head.

"So what's got you all freaked out?" Akane asked with naked curiosity. She had, after all, seen her own

Chan do some amazing things.

"It's that he uses the toilet paper! Even changes the rolls!" Ukyo shook her head sadly. "Now if only I could teach him to put the seat back down."

* * *

B-Chan was becoming a common and even welcome sight at Ucchan's. He was, after all, cute, cuddly, and housebroken. For his part, he was growing content (and fat) on all the leftovers he could stuff down his face.

But Daisetsu saw oh so much more potential to the situation. Potential he knew exactly how to exploit.

Bear was busy at a booth with a half dozen female students of Furinkan. It had become something of a sport to feed the cub and then giggle as he let them pet and scratch all over. It was, in fact, a situation that had Genma green with envy that he hadn't devised it first. Of course, now Nodoka kept him on the straight and narrow. A razor's edge, you might say. At any rate, the radio went out and was replaced by a very carefully selected CD. I Get Knocked Down, by Chumbawamba.

Habit and instinct are very peculiar things. B-Chan had one very peculiar habit, indeed, as he was unable to stand still when that song in particular was played. Not only was he unable to stand still, but he couldn't help but to dance. And it was quite a dance too. Furry little legs would split apart dropping a snubbed tail to the ground before rising up again to wag to the music. Eyes closed as the little mammal couldn't help but to feel the rhythm. As the final bars of music were drifting off into the next song, all witnesses to the event had redefined their personal meanings for the term 'bust a move'.

With as slight a smile as a carnivorous maw can manage, B-Chan opened his eyes and realized that the whole restaurant was staring at him. Awkward grin became an embarrassed blush. But, always one to think fast on his feet, he did the best thing he could at the moment.

He bowed.

And the restaurant exploded into applause for B-Chan's new trick.

Now showing three times daily.

* * *

Yuber and Link weren't the best of roommates. Because they were married, they were given one bed to sleep in. Despite being married, they didn't sleep in a single bed.

This meant that Yuber was forced to sleep on the floor.

The boy was, above all else, lazy. This meant that he quite enjoyed the passtime of sleeping. While on the road, he had nowhere else to sleep but the ground. That was fine, but only because he knew he'd soon be in civilization, where they had beds.

And now he was forced to sleep on the ground? The least his wife could do was give him a pillow.

The boy nodded to himself. He deserved that, at least! He stood up, looking down at his wife, who lied sleeping on the bed. Her blond hair spilled out on the two pillows the bed had. She was sleeping on her side, on the pillow closest to Yuber, and her arms covered the other.

This would be difficult... He definitely couldn't get the one she was sleeping on... his best bet was to somehow get the pillow from under her arms without waking her.

He was confident in his abilities.

The boy reached over his wife, grasping the edge of the pillow with both hands. He gently began to pull, but then his wife pulled the pillow closer, wrapping an arm around it.

"Bloody hell," the boy muttered quietly. He reached with one hand and tried to unpry his wife's arm from the pillow. It would be his!

Unfortunately, his wife didn't seem to agree. She shifted in her sleep, rolling more onto her side and away from her husband. Their arms caught, and the boy fell onto the bed.

Blushing, he realized his face was now almost touching his wife's.

Eyes widening, he realized that her eyes were open.

Yuber didn't get much sleep that night. And it wasn't a good thing, either.

* * *

There are times when every creature gets pushed to its limits and needs some form of relief. So it was also for B-Chan.

Being turned into a bear cub and chased through the wilds of China had been bad. Arriving in Japan where he still couldn't understand the language didn't really improve matters for him.

Having Ukyo adopt him had some advantages, but was starting to wear down his soul. She had always been one of his favorite characters and now he could see and touch her in the flesh. But only as her pet. He could never interact with her the way he truly wanted, as a person. It was depressing.

His three performances a day were nothing short of humiliating, as was having to beg for table scraps. He had taken care of himself since he was fifteen and had been making a decent wage at a fairly technical career before. Now he was reduced to the role of circus bear that had to rely on the kindness of others to get by. Not something any man's pride should have to endure.

And now Ukyo had taken to leaping out of nowhere and attempting to splash him with boiling water! So far he had eluded her attempts by a combination of good planning and good fortune. It was enough to put anyone on edge as every corner and counter became suspect.

It had occurred to him that she was trying to transform him to his uncursed form, but since he was locked as a bear cub, he didn't see the point of being boiled alive. Besides, as long as she suspected that he was cursed, she would be open to the idea that he was intelligent. That meant the possibility of communication was open. The trick was keeping that possibility open long enough for him to learn the language.

In the meantime, he would have to suffer.

But there was an itch that he just couldn't scratch.

A need he couldn't fulfill.

So he waited until the dead of night to slip out, throwing on a trench coat and floppy hat that had been left in the lost and found. He also grabbed some yen he had managed to stash away from tips tossed at him during performances. It would be enough for the evening.

His first stop was at an all night convenience store. He walked in upright and selected his purchase from a modest selection. Then he waddled over to the counter and laid his choice down with the correct amount of change.

The woman looked from the counter to the would be customer and back to the counter again. She seemed to be at something of a loss.

"What's wrong, dear?" Her husband walked in from the back room.

"It's just that... he seems kind of young, you know?" she replied uncertainly.

The man shrugged. "If he doesn't get them here, he'll just get them somewhere else. Go ahead and ring it up."

The woman shrugged and made a 'what can you do?' face before ringing in the sale.

Satisfied, B-Chan waddled out into the night.

Soon the bear of the night came across the second thing he needed to assuage the hurt of his soul. With a carnivorous grin, he strode upright inside. Using his considerable bulk, he pushed his way to the bar to which he immediately bellied up, claiming a stool as his own.

B-Chan was initially unsuccessful in waving over the pub's barkeep. So he laid some money on the table and held up a single claw in the universal sign for "One please."

The barkeep swept the money off the table, laid a small cup before the thirsty customer, and took a bottle off the shelf behind him to pour a glass. B-Chan grabbed the bartender's wrist when he moved to put the bottle away and then started to lay down yen until the barkeep lowered the bottle. B-Chan then let the barkeep go about his rounds as he downed the first cup. Sake. He hated Sake almost as much as he hated tequila, but it filled a need.

He expertly poured another drink and pulled out the cigars he had purchased earlier. It was a little awkward lighting the first one until the woman sitting next to him saw what he was attempting and lit it for him. Only then did he turn around so he could casually scan the crowd.

It was good to be in the wild again.

The rest of the evening became a blur of smoke, music, booze, and women. The last thing he remembered before the all encompassing blackness was a talking monkey. "Aren't you just a charmer with the ladies? Been awhile since I went bear baiting."

With a pained groan, B-Chan awoke.

He discovered that he was wearing a harness and a saddle. Apparently, he was in the circus now as a dried up monkey was sitting in the saddle.

Then the monkey spoke. "Come on you! Get going, there's pretties to be had!"

Cold hard realization sunk in. It was Happosai on his back... and he had spurs!

With a yelp of pain, B-Chan was off like a... well like a bear cub with a dried up monkey on its back that was digging in its spurs.

Predictably, he was guided to the halls of Furinkan where his rider raided the girls changing room. Fear of the mob of angry girls drove B-Chan on faster than any spurs ever could.

"Sweeto!" whooped the pervert master. Never had he made such a clean get away. There was no power in heaven or hell that would take his new partner in crime away from him.

But there was one on earth.

"My darling Babette!" called a shrill voice.

Happosai pulled his mount up short, looking around for the girl's voice. Girls meant pretty underthings.

"Get off my darling Babette!" Each word Azusa uttered was punctuated by a giant mallet with a pink ribbon and a name tag identifying it as 'Colette' hammering into Happosai's head. In a daze, the diminutive master slid off the saddle.

Exhausted beyond endurance from the race of his life, B-Chan could only look up helplessly as Azusa scooped him up into a bear hug. Then it was all he could do to breathe. He barely heard as she announced, "Oh my darling Babette! I'll never let you out of my sight!"

Tears welled up and began to flow.

A short while later, B-Chan found himself in a golden cage with ribbons tied around his ears and tail. The tears were still flowing freely.

When he finally managed to stop crying, he took stock of his situation. He was after all, smarter than the average bear. He was indeed in a gold cage, but gold was a soft metal. It took a little effort, but he was able to pry the bars apart far enough to squeeze through. Once out of the gilded cage he made for the nearest window.

It was only after he had burst through the glass that he had a chance to lament being on the third floor.

Fortune was with the little bear as he fell into the grounds' swimming pool. He managed to paddle to shore, where he shook off his damp fur. He had no time to gather his bearings as he heard "My darling Babette!" from the window above him. As any sane creature would, he bolted.

While he managed to lose Azusa, he also managed to lose himself in the process. Alone, he wandered unfamiliar grounds.

"Oh! How simply adorable! I simply must have you as a playmate for Mr. Green Turtle! HOHOHOHOHO!"

Bear claws skidded on the ground as the beast tried to escape, only to have its tail caught in a long red ribbon. Claws dug into soft earth as the hapless bear cub was dragged back towards the most hated character in all of the Ranmaverse.

Whimpering, B-Chan was dragged to a nearby bridge which spanned a manmade pond. Mr. Green Turtle, who was really a giant alligator, leapt overhead to the applause and laughter of his mistress. "I just know the two of you will be the best of friends! Play nice, now!"

B-Chan had no intention of playing nice. He had no intention of playing at all! Just as soon as Kodachi left, he let Mr. Green Turtle know that he had teeth and claws, too. While the reptile was not easily dissuaded from playing with his new chew toy, B-Chan managed to get his point across.

Thus, a scrappy little bear cub pulled itself away from the pond only to find itself in a looming shadow.

"Well, well. What do we have here if not the perfect present for my fair Akane Tendo?"

For once B-Chan didn't resist. He recognized the words Akane Tendo. After all, Akane knew he 'belonged' to Ucchan, so he would soon be home.

And it wasn't so bad at first. Tatewaki Kuno had B-Chan cleaned up and brought to a vet to be treated for various small wounds and what appeared to be a hangover.

When the vet started to inspect B-Chan's nether regions, the bear cub became suspicious. It was the surgical instruments and knockout gas that really alarmed B-Chan, however. Again the bear cub was on the run, bolting past both vet and kendoist.

It was an untold time later that exhaustion finally claimed B-Chan and he collapsed against a wall.

"You poor thing." B-Chan was vaguely aware that a young girl was talking to him, though he had yet to open his eyes. Nor could he understand the words. He felt someone lift him up and carry him inside somewhere. "You look exhausted. And hungry. No one else is here, so I guess I'll have to make you something to eat."

Left to his own devices by a low table, the bear cub drifted off to welcomed sleep, its nose twitching ever so slightly as various... odors reached its sensitive nostrils.

Again the girl's voice roused him from slumber even as something was assaulting his nose. B-Chan's eyes suddenly snapped all the way open as he finally recognized the young girl as Akane. His horror was furthered when it was her cooking that she was proffering him. He lashed out at the platter with a paw, splattering Akane with the mess, and then bolted outside and for the street.

On the street, his sensitive nose caught the scent of okonomiyaki and led him back to Ucchan's.

He got there just as she was closing up. He padded in and glanced around wearily. Ucchan looked up when she saw him come in and frowned. She picked up a newspaper and rolled it up before advancing on B-Chan.

It was then that he realized... He wasn't out of he woods yet!


End file.
